tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24818963460955125752024-03-05T03:07:58.741-08:00Growing Up LaneseMotherhood and everything in between.Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.comBlogger489125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-33607266744512643592017-01-24T08:00:00.000-08:002017-01-24T08:00:09.963-08:00Dear Lucy<div>
Dear Lucy,</div>
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I adore you. I literally love you more every single day. You are growing so incredibly fast. Too fast. I feel like I'm missing it. I feel like I'm missing you. You are almost 12 weeks old already. You've almost been in our family for 3 whole months. It's been a crazy beautiful 3 months. We've had a rough go at things but we are starting to get into the swing of it. All 4 of us. </div>
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You have colic and it is the worst. You cry and cry and cry. I cry and cry and cry because I can't help you. I hold you so tight and just cry and tell you how much you are loved. I cannot tell you how many nights our tears mix as my cheek is against your squishy little cheek and I just walk around with you in my arms. There are nights when I feel like I just can't. And then Daddy is there. He is always there. We love you so intensely. It's been a growing love. </div>
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With every smile from you, I feel closer and closer to you. You make lots of eye contact now and just want to be with me. You are happy if you are in my arms. I try my hardest to hold you as much as I possibly can while still giving time and love to your big sister. </div>
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I just wanted to write to you to tell you how much I love you. You are sound asleep next to me as I write this. Your little hands are up above your head and you look so cozy and peaceful. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you in peace with no pain. I just want you to be happy. Always. </div>
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I love you, Lulu. So so much. </div>
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Love,</div>
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Mommy</div>
Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-38001352709845093522017-01-23T08:00:00.000-08:002017-01-23T08:00:03.719-08:00the school with no wallsIt has been an interesting six months for our family. And now we are finally starting to get into a groove and have been really finding what is important to us. One of the biggest things that has changed is that Lilly Belle and I have not been doing any structured school time since Lucy has been born. She is craving it and I am craving it. We were both loving all that came with homeschooling. It is time to get that back. My hope was that we could begin in January, but it is now almost the end of January so on to February it is! Lucy will be 3 months old and Lilly Belle will be 3.5 years old when we begin again, so it will be good timing for all. And with my new approach and what I have recently found, I think it will work wonderfully for our family. <br />
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Matt and I have been talking a lot about what we will do with Lilly Belle next year for school. We've really gone back and forth on it. Here in Florida, you get one year of free preschool, which makes it tempting to just get her signed up and send her on her way 5 days a week from 9-12. When I sit back and really think about how that will look though, it just doesn't sit well with me and I don't feel like it will be what is best for her or for our family at this time. I thought it was, until I realized I didn't have to do things the way I was and until I really thought long and hard about HOW she learns and has been learning. <br />
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Lilly Belle is very bright. She sees things in such a fun and creative way. Her imagination is huge, her vocabulary is incredible, and she learns at her own perfect little pace. Once she is ready to learn something, she can learn it quickly and fiercely. If she is forced to learn something, she will completely push it away and her little mind blocks it all out. I don't blame her. I learn the exact same way. When I love something, I love it so hard. When I'm not interested...I'm just not at all. I see some of that in her. I struggled a lot in school because of that. I wonder had I been homeschooled and had the ability to learn at my own pace and in my own way, if I would have blossomed so much more with my education. I want that for her and for Lucy. <br />
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I want life to be calm and clear for them. I want them to find what they love and to have time to enjoy whatever that passion may be. <br />
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Beginning in February, we will be starting a new curriculum - The Peaceful Preschool. The goal being that we do the majority of our schooling outside. Along with this new curriculum, I will also have her working on some life skills that I think she will enjoy and/or needs such as learning to ride her bike and to learn how to swim. We will also be adding in a lot of STEM because she loves to create. We call her our little Tinker. I've found some incredible learning ideas on Pinterest with Legos and she can sit and build with her Legos for hours. I want to spend more time reading to the girls as well. My birthday is next, and what I really want is a large, beautiful quilt that we can take to parks or the beach to learn, read, and spend time together outside. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM1uxZehmfywJA0Fhsdpz85Km-GkbAwFvxTEz8eKyU_zHyBZTiujJD6Tw2dkzgoz_LLw_Pu93wQafDyebeTaDsprMIT21jN77d-kWnoGeaNooWF55IAbuFndZhc2kovID3EkRflwnR9ZU6/s1600/quilt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM1uxZehmfywJA0Fhsdpz85Km-GkbAwFvxTEz8eKyU_zHyBZTiujJD6Tw2dkzgoz_LLw_Pu93wQafDyebeTaDsprMIT21jN77d-kWnoGeaNooWF55IAbuFndZhc2kovID3EkRflwnR9ZU6/s640/quilt.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Photo: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/LittleSunshineQuilts?ref=l2-shopheader-name">Little Sunshine Quilts - Etsy</a><br />
I feel that by getting outside and finding somewhere beautiful to learn, that Lilly Belle is just going to flourish and bloom even more. I think we all will together. I love the idea of bringing school with us and learning in an environment where she can learn and play at the same time. If she wants to sit down and work on her curriculum activities with me we will - if she wants to run around and just play or collect nature (one of her new favorite activities) then she can. <br />
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I want to go to the beach more. We are just an hour an a half from the ocean on both sides of us. There is no reason that we should not be spending our time learning and doing school while the ocean is in front of us. We are so blessed to be living so close to so much ocean. It is time to start enjoying that gift more. <br />
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This beach is just an hour and a half away. Why have not gone here yet??<br />
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I am now an Usborne Consultant and with that I have been able to get Lilly Belle quite a few books (for free) in subjects she has shown great interest in: learning to speak French & learning about space. I would love to go to Epcot with the girls just to spend time in "France" and bring our books with us to have her practice her new love of learning to speak French. I'd also love to spend time learning about space and then take her to Cape Canaveral. <br />
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This is how I want her to learn. This is how I want to teach her. I want her to experience the world. I want both of our girls to experience the world. I dream of them being passionate little girls who grow into passionate women who can LOVE; love themselves, love their lives, love the world, love their spouses, love their families, and love those who need love it most. <br />
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I feel like this way of learning will bring that to them. I feel like this way of learning will bring that to all of us. <br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-90549372427723006682017-01-20T19:47:00.002-08:002017-01-20T19:47:56.555-08:00Less is MOREIt's 2017. We have two beautiful girls. And life has been wild. We were thrown for a loop when at around 3 weeks old Lucy's colic began and my depression continued to get worse. She is now almost 12 weeks old and it has been a hard 9 weeks. It has been a hard 12 weeks. It has been a hard year. Adjusting to life with two has been filled with so many different emotions. I wish I would have been blogging these past few months, but literally have not had any time. Lucy doesn't usually let me put her down. And when she does, there is always laundry to be done or finally time for me to take a shower.<br />
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With all the new, and the way our life is now as a family of four, we have decided to make some big changes. <br />
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This year will be simpler, healthier, and fuller. We have started to make changes on a path to a more minimalist style of living. I have lost count after about 16 bags and bins of "stuff" that we have donated to Goodwill. And yet still, our home feels cluttered with "things" everywhere I look. The goal with this change for our family is that with less things, we will all have more clarity and calm in our home. Time is so much more precious now. <br />
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It has been amazing to go through our apartment and fill a new bag of things to donate almost everyday. I have already donated 3 full bags of Lilly Belle's toys and she has not even noticed anything missing yet. I am minimizing the girls room the slowest because I don't want this to be a traumatic transition for her, but a calm one instead. We have been able to significantly notice which toys she plays with and is learning from. The goal is that when we are at the place we feel comfortable with, that the girls will only have toys that are encouraging them to use their imaginations, learn and grow from. She has had more independent playtime now that her baby sister is here and I am usually still the one who cleans up her room. By choice lately, so that I can really see what she's been playing with and what she takes out. I will write more on this later as it deserves it's own blog post.<br />
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Not only are we working on having less physical things in our life, but we are also minimizing things like our schedules and choosing how we spend our time more wisely and carefully. I am realizing quickly that the way we did life before Lucy was born is not going to work with our family in this time with a newborn and a 3 year old. <br />
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Life is going to be filled with lots of time spent at the park with friends for playdates, going for walks, getting back into homeschooling (with a new simpler approach), quiet time playing at home listening to music together, running errands when needed, and I am going to start making time for myself to get some exercise in. We all feel happier when we don't have a schedule and when we are outside. Currently, our only scheduled events each week are Lilly Belle's dance class - which she is loving so much, and a breastfeeding luncheon I go to on Monday afternoons. <br />
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Less is so much more! It already feels better and we are only 20 days into the new year with this new way of living. I am really excited for what this year will bring to our family!<br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-63295595698930729432016-10-20T17:32:00.000-07:002016-10-20T17:32:04.953-07:00God Gave Me Today.<div>
To my sweet girl right before your sister is born,</div>
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<i><b>God gave me today.</b></i> </div>
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He gave me a day to soak you all up. To spend every second of the day playing with you and laughing with you. This has been a hard year. And as the year has gone on, I have been able to spend less and less time with you because of all the pain I have been in during this pregnancy and from resting so much trying to make sure that your sister did not come too early.</div>
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But, <b><i>God gave me today</i></b>. I woke up this morning in so very little pain. Something that hasn't happened in months. I slept well last night. Something that hasn't happened in weeks. When I woke up this morning, I knew I could actually do things. I felt it. I knew that today I was going to get a day to enjoy spending time with you. </div>
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We had so much fun together today, Lilly Belle. I took you grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and to the bank. I got to pick you up to put you in and out of your car seat multiple times today. I held you a few times today. I haven't been able to pick you up in months. You are getting so heavy. Or my arms are just that much weaker. Probably a little of both. I let you push a little cart at Trader Joe's and you loved getting to help me shop. You always love shopping there with me. </div>
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We sang in the car. I haven't driven out of the Celebration area in months. If we go anywhere further, Daddy is driving. It usually really hurts me to drive because of the muscles I have to use to move my foot from the gas to the brake. It didn't hurt today. So, we sang in the car. We sang loud. We sang your favorite songs, "Uptown Funk" and "Don't Let Me Down". We danced and sang at the top of our lungs. And laughed. </div>
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When we got home you painted pumpkins. I haven't given you very many activities to do in the past few weeks because walking around our home to get things all set up for you to do school or crafts just has hurt too much, or I'd start having contractions just walking around. Not today. No pain. No contractions. You loved being able to paint.</div>
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You told me you weren't tired and didn't want to take a nap. So I let you stay up. You had about 30 minutes of quiet time playing in your room and then I decided I just wanted to keep up with our fun day.</div>
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We went out...again! We delivered two Usborne packages to friends in town and then I took you to the park! I don't remember the last time I was at the park with you. I pushed you on the swings and caught you at the bottom of the slide. You ran around just laughing and laughing. I can hear your belly laugh still as I pushed you on the swings. It was the best. </div>
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We came home and since it was just 4:45pm, I decided we still had time for fun. So, we baked some cookies together. You wore your apron and your chef's hat and we baked. I let you do it all. I snuck you raisins and chocolate chips teasing you that you better not eat them which you thought was hilarious. More laughing. I still had no pain. God gave this time to us today, Lilly Belle. After we were done baking I thought we might as well make a homemade pizza together, I mean, you already had your apron and chef's hat on, so why not?! </div>
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We all ate dinner as a family and you were thrilled when Daddy commented that whoever put on the cheese and pepperoni made his favorite part of the whole pizza! You told him that he can be your best friend too and you got down and ran over and hugged him.</div>
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After dinner, I was still in no pain, so we took Cogsy and the 4 of us went on a walk to get the mail. Our mailbox is at the other side of the apartment complex so usually you and Daddy go alone. Well, you and Daddy always go alone. Tonight...I went with you. You were so happy.</div>
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We came home and Daddy did bath time while I took just a few minutes to sit down. Still no pain, but my legs were getting really swollen. I am definitely not use to moving this much or being outside this much in the heat. I went in to wash your hair and then... it was time for bed.</div>
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You usually put up such a fight at bedtime lately. You get crazy or you get fussy or you cry or come out with random excuses 4 or 5 times before usually an hour (sometimes more) finally going to sleep. You don't let me sing to you anymore. You like your stories, hugs and kisses, but do NOT like when I sing to you and rock with you. You haven't for like the past year and it made me so sad for the longest time. Lately, I haven't even really thought about it because it's just not part of our routine anymore. Tonight though, you snuggled up with Daddy as he read you one of your new books. You gave him the best goodnight hug and whispered in his ear, "you are my prince, Daddy." And he told you that you are his princess. He hugged you tighter and gave me a smile that told me it meant everything to him. Then he told he loved you and said goodnight and you came to sit on my lap in the glider. You snuggled up and I read you, "The River." And then you asked for another book so I read your new lift-the-flap book about Space. You never complained. You never got frustrated. You just snuggled in and let me hold you tight as I read to you. Usually while we ready lately you get silly and want to read to us with made up words or you flip the pages all around and go crazy. Not tonight. You just snuggled in.</div>
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When I was done reading, you just sat there all snuggled up in my arms. I asked you if I could sing to you. You said, "please sing me a song from Wicked." (You are a little obsessed with witches, Hocus Pocus, and Wicked right now) So I sang you, "For Good," which I used to sing to you every night. You didn't budge. You let me hold you so close and you were just all curled up and snuggled. Your hair was still so wet from your bath and I soaked up the smell of your baby shampoo that we still use on you. You continued to want me to sing to you. I sang "I See the Light," "Do Re Mi," and then I thought for sure you'd want to be done listening, but you just curled in tighter. I asked if I could sing you the song I sang when you were a baby and that my Daddy sang to me. You were sucking your fingers so you nodded yes. I sang you, "Sunshine on My Shoulders." As I was singing, Daddy walked in, and gave me a look that told me he totally understood what was happening. He whispered "I love you. Soak this up," to me, and I cried quietly as I sang you the rest of the song. When I finished singing, I looked down, and you were sound asleep. I sat there with you for about 20 more minutes just rocking you and thinking about how I cannot imagine you not being our only baby. You have not fallen asleep in my arms in, well, I don't even remember the last time. Daddy came back in to see you sleeping and saw that I was resting my head on yours with tears rolling down my cheeks. He rubbed my arm and told me how much he loved me and reassured me that it is all going to be okay. That you are still my baby and always will be my baby...</div>
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For the past 3 years and almost 3 months, it has just been the 3 of us. We're such a team. And now, your sweet baby sister is going to be born any day and everything is going to change. I know it is only going to change for the better and we are all beyond excited, but still, it is going to change and sometimes lately, I get sad thinking about you not being the baby anymore. And since I've been in so much pain for so long both mentally and physically, sometimes I feel like I have lost even more time with you. It crushes me. </div>
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But...<b><i>God gave me today</i></b>. </div>
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<b><i>He gave me you</i></b>. I have missed you so much, Lilly Belle, but today, <b><i>God gave me you</i></b>. He gave me a day to soak up every moment with you. I'm not sure if I will wake up tomorrow and have all my pain back. I don't imagine that this will last. If it does, then that is truly the most incredible gift. The gift of just a little more time just the two of us. Today was such a gift. I love you, my Lilly Belle. You'll always be my little best friend. Always!</div>
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<br />Thank you, God, for such a beautiful day. Thank you for letting it end the way it did, with my sweet girl sleeping in my arms. Thank you for giving me the strength to pick her up as she slept and lay her down and tuck her into bed. Thank you. I will never, ever forget this day or night. Ever. I enjoyed every. single. second. Thank you.</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-6826816931759745142016-09-10T10:10:00.003-07:002016-09-10T10:10:56.074-07:00Lilly Belle Does Preschool | Good Night, Gorilla Unit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
We were really excited to start the Simply Learning Kids Good Night, Gorilla unit with Lilly Belle. Living next door to Walt Disney World Resort, we have a lot of learning opportunities and resources for her. We are Disney Annual PassHolders and visit Walt Disney World Resort all the time! When we saw this book on our literature unit list, we knew we wanted to do a lot at Disney's Animal Kingdom to teach her more about Africa and the animals who live there. Our plans were changed a bit with really bad storms and using some of our time to babysit for our friend's kids on Labor Day. But, we still had a lot of fun with the unit and she learned a lot!!</div>
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Key Process Art. Lilly Belle was given some old keys and paint and was told she could do whatever she wanted with them to make art. Once she realized she could use the end of the keys to scrap the paint, she really enjoyed this. Before then, it frustrated her a bit. </div>
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We had a busy morning with her 3 year old appointment and in the top right picture she told me, "I. Am. Exhausted!" and then lay on the table like this... </div>
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I made her some really neat playdough using Jell-O. She has played with it a lot over the past two weeks! We talked a lot about the 7 continents and found a really cute little kids rap on YouTube and she can now tell you all 7 continents and where they are. We keep hearing her singing it to herself at night while laying in bed, it's adorable.</div>
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Lilly Belle loved this! I "hid" her alphabet flash cards around the house and then we closed all the blinds and turned off the lights. We got her a flashlight and she had so much fun going around the house to find each of the letters. She wasn't allowed to remove the letter until she told us the letter or asked us what it was and repeated it for us. We played this a couple times this week and I noticed her remembering more and more letters. She can now tell us most of their sounds as well.</div>
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We made her a keychain filled with old keys and then we made some animal cages for her TOOB safari animals. She really enjoyed putting them to bed in their cages and locking them up. She has continued to play with the keys since we gave these to her. She loves dramatic play! She is so good at it too. Her imagination is beautiful. </div>
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This craft was adorable. She loved making the gorillas and G was a letter she has had a hard time remembering so I was glad to have it as our letter of the week for her.</div>
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I have started adding a lot of educational YouTube videos to our daily learning. With my limited activity, we unfortunately watch more TV than we normally do. Usually we try to limit her to 1 hour/day and now sadly sometimes we have the TV on for 2 or 3 hours/day. It's never her jus sitting staring at it, except a bit in the morning, but I love knowing that what is on is educational and that she is engaged and learning. She loved playing her drum along with these African Drummers and Dancers! Before our unit I spend a lot of time searching YouTube for videos that I think she will learn from and enjoy. </div>
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Our time together at our preschool CO-OP, Bloom, has been interesting with her. She is always so used to me being the one leading the group for really all of our activities together. I have always been her dance teacher. I was the owner of FIT4MOM here and taught 95% of the Stroller Strides classes she attended. And now, I am the owner, director and lead teacher at Bloom, her preschool. For her, she wants to lead too. Which is beautiful and amazing in all of it's own ways, but I really would love for her to just be a kid and PLAY and participate. Her favorite thing to do during school is...her own thing. When I am leading circle time, she is off exploring or re-organizing our "classroom" to her own liking before the kids get to begin playing. I am hoping that as time goes on that she will begin to participate more and more. My mom asked her after school, "how was your day at school?" Her reply was, "I was good. I did whatever I wanted to do." Yep...true statement. Not necessarily to my liking. I'm okay with her exploring and playing, of course, but I also want her to learn to listen and follow directions when it is appropriate to do so. She just turned 3...I probably need to cut her some slack ;) </div>
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This flashlight glitter craft irritated her. The glue wasn't squeezing from the bottle very well and the glitter was slow to come out of the shaker...I pretty much ended up completing this one for her. She LOVED the silly eyes matching activity though!! She also really likes to do her Stamp It, Poke It, Write It worksheets.</div>
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Seeing all of her art and worksheets displayed on her door makes us all so proud and happy. She really loves to just stand in front of her door and look at her work or to show anyone who comes over. A new activity that she has really begun to enjoy is drawing! She draws on her doodle board almost every night while trying to fall asleep. It is her favorite quiet time activity. She will sit in her room just belly laughing and cracking herself up at her drawings! Every now and then, one will just be too funny to not share with Mommy & Daddy so she'll run out to ask us to see. I take pictures of them when I can because they are definitely pretty funny! I love it!</div>
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She has loved to practice cutting. She is really good with a scissors and enjoys using them. She rocked this cutting and sorting activity out. Sometimes she will get a bit bored with our worksheets and activities so I have to work at adding some challenges to them for her. Another fun activity we did was taking her little safari animals and making animal tracks with them and then giving them all a bath. She loved the bath part! She sat there giving her animals a bath for a good 30 minutes.</div>
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I was blown away when we did her Letter Sound Clip Cards this week! I did NOT know that she knew her letter sounds. I would ask her "What letter does Key start with?" and she would just put that clip right on and give me a look like..."mom...really?" She did them all in less than 5 minutes and got them all correct without hesitation. We have not pushed reading or her letters really because I feel it is so important that it is something she does in her own time (especially because she JUST turned 3), but she is off to a great start. It's fun to see her enjoy it so much lately.</div>
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I made her a little cutting center because she has enjoyed practicing her cutting skills so much. She has construction paper with different lines, some paper straws, and foam with different designs. I will always change these up for her a bit. When she's in the right mood, she really likes having quiet time with this activity.</div>
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One of her favorite things is when Matt does school with her. He is now working from home full-time, but is at his computer with his headphones on for most of the day. Of course she will run up to him to show him things or ask him questions and he helps us as much as he can, because that is why he's working from home, but she craves his attention when he's done working for the day. They baked a cake together to practice math. Math is going to be his thing with her because it's not what I am best at, but he is very good at it. She loves math time with Daddy. </div>
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Even on the weekends she wants to do school and Matt and I have to get really creative coming up with new activities for her. We are homebound a lot lately because of my current pregnancy limitations so we do a LOT of school time. Which she loves. We made a little science experiment for her by adding vinegar and food coloring to glasses and then putting popsicle sticks and q-tips inside to see if the color would dye them. She loved it!! We kept them there all weekend and she loved going to check on them throughout the day.</div>
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We took a family outing to Animal Kingdom for a few hours. We had her play the drums in Africa, and then spent a LOT of time at Rafiki's Planet Watch. While we were there she met Rafiki, Chip & Dale, saw a snake show as well as a parrot show. She was very interested in the parrot and even stayed after the show to ask the trainer some questions that she came up with. Her big one was "who teaches the parrots how to fly?" And then, "How come this parrot's mommy did not teach him how to fly?" We were probably in there for an hour just learning. I love RPW! </div>
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Here she is touching one of the parrot's feathers. She talked about the parrot for the rest of the weekend. We also then took her to see Festival of the Lion King. She was incredibly sad because we were sitting in the front (I'm in my wheelchair) but was not chosen to dance around with the kids in the parade. There were lots...and lots of tears! </div>
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We've been sneaking in a few apple activities here and there too as we are now in September. </div>
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She half loved this project and half didn't care at all. I think it overwhelmed her a bit to think she had to sit there and cover the entire continent with noodles. I helped her a lot to fill it up and then she was cool with it. </div>
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The cutting activity turned into a HUGE hit! She was only suppose to cut the animals out of their strips of paper. She then wanted to sort them, so she put them all into piles by match. She then wanted to count them all so we made them into a graph. She then wanted to glue them, so I got her a blank book and we turned it into a counting book! She loved it and we loved watching how excited she was to learn and the hard work she was putting into this project.</div>
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Here she is at our 2nd week of Bloom for this unit. In the top left photo she was doing our Group Cooperative activity for this month which is to take pool noodles, find the matching poms, and push them with the noodle to their matching colored mat. She much prefers to pick up as many as she can of the colors and bring them over to the mat. One of the sensory bins for this month is water beads with some safari animals and scoopers and she could sit her for the entire 30 minutes of center time and be perfectly happy. We really need to buy her some for here at home!</div>
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The highlight of school this week were the two police officers who visited us. Lilly Belle was not shy at all and loved telling them as much as she could possibly think to tell them. Which included telling them that when she turns 4 she will be a Jedi, that she had a Cinderella birthday, that her Uncle Clint is a detective, and that she does NOT like to ride her scooter down hills! </div>
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Matt thinks of some fun things to do with her. He's good at going into our homeschool drawers, finding something, and making a fun activity for her. They sat there tracing the rug design with the beads for a while and then played some serious living room basketball together after work one day. </div>
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Lilly Belle did such a good job at her 3-Part Cards! She did this in about 5 minutes and was a little bored with it so I asked her to tell me what letter the all started with as well and not just have her matching them all.</div>
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A couple times this week I failed a bit at prepping our curriculum and having it ready for her, or she did not want to do what was planned so I got out our file folder box that I worked on all summer filling with busy activities for her. She liked both this scarecrow match file folder game as well as this finish the pattern activity. The playdough has continued to be a hit and I've tried to find as many different ways as I can to have her play with it. She sat on the kitchen table playing with playdough as she watched a 45-minute documentary about climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.</div>
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It was another amazing 2 weeks of school with her. We are really loving doing preschool at home with her. She is learning so much! I am so thankful to have this time with her. </div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-42467454595961648552016-09-08T00:11:00.000-07:002016-09-08T00:11:17.276-07:00Lanese, Party of Four<div>
There has been a new discussion in this house...one that I didn't think would happen for years and years. It is looking like our family will be a family of four, instead of having four children. My pregnancy with Lucy has been extremely difficult and it has taken quite a toll on me and on our family. From early hemorrhaging to my severe Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction, it has not been an easy time. I went from being an extremely active and independent person and a mom who always had Lilly Belle out and on the go, to being about 85% housebound and reliable on Matt. I haven't slept in weeks which doesn't help. I have had few moments where I have been able to just enjoy being pregnant. And add on top of all of that our miscarriage that happened right before becoming pregnant with Lucy.</div>
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...At this point, we are just counting our blessings and thanking God that we have an incredible little girl and another about to join us. I have had my moments the past few days with lots of tears and grieving for the family I had always dreamt of; the one with 4 little kids running all around. But when I am in a place of calm and am able to really see things clearly, being a family of four doesn't look so bad either... It is actually a lot more realistic for OUR family.</div>
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So instead of looking at this in a negative light, I have decided to find the fun and joy that will come to our family from Lucy being our "baby". Matt and I have talked a lot about travel and all the places that will be a lot more manageable for our family to go together with it just being four of us. Top of my list right now is a California vacation that includes San Francisco and Disneyland. I also have my heart set on another Disney Cruise, a trip to Hawaii (because we've never been), and big dreams of a European vacation. I have really fun visions in my head of taking long weekends with my girls up to New York City every year and making it a tradition together before Christmas when we could shop and see tons of Broadway shows together. And of course, many more visits to Seattle and Wisconsin to see our families!</div>
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I see our girls getting to be in so many more activities. Lilly Belle is begging to go to dance where she can wear tap shoes and I'd love to get her in some acting and piano lessons as well. Before we know it she will be old enough for soccer, too! When Lucy is born I cannot wait to get her into Kindermusik classes like I did with Lilly Belle and I plan on doing some Mommy & Me Yoga with her too. Our girls will have so many more opportunities with us only having to pay for two of them instead of four. </div>
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Dreams of owning a home that we can all fit in comfortably seem a lot more reasonable with visions of a family of four instead of a family of six. </div>
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We can help the girls pay for college and with two girls... that's two weddings one day. I'd love to be able to give them the weddings of their dreams. Seems a lot more reasonable with two kids than four. </div>
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I have literally never in my life wanted only two kids. I have never, ever been the mom that says, "I want two kids." Never. It has literally never even crossed my mind. I've never even had the thought or idea. I've never pictured it before, dreamt of it before, or hoped for it before. But, as pregnancy taught me with Lilly Belle and is now really teaching me with Lucy...I am not always the one in control. Some things I really have to leave to God. And he is practically screaming at me that my body cannot do this again...</div>
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For some reason, the only time I feel like crying about it is thinking of family pictures. When I see our family pictures in my mind, I see four little beautiful children with their arms around our legs, and now that vision is changed to two and it's just a lot to take in. </div>
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Matt loves the idea of two. He always has. So for him, this isn't so difficult. The only difficult part for him is seeing me so heartbroken knowing this is it. And what's hard for me is seeing him so okay with it. We started our family pretty early even though we weren't in the best of situations financially. But we did that because we planned on having a big family and didn't want them all so close together. So now here I am at 28 years old, still so young, and my body is making the decision for me that I will be done having children. That's a lot to take in.</div>
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Things could still definitely change in a few years. I know enough to not make crazy decisions at 30 weeks pregnant. It's not like we're going to go to the doctor after she's born to make this a permanent decision, but... as of now, it is looking like this is it for us. And, there is a lot of beauty in it. It just would have been a lot easier if the decision wasn't being made for me and feeling so out of control. </div>
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Tonight Matt had tears in his eyes as he sat with me as I cried and cried on our couch about all of this. But he just said, "I just want my wife back," because I have not been myself for almost a year now. I've been in a dark place. Our miscarriage was in December 2015 and since then I have not been the same. Not by choice, but just by circumstance. I am in constant pain and am forever exhausted because I cannot sleep. It is 2:55am right now and I've been up wide awake since 1:15am. I went to bed at 11pm. I don't feel an ounce of tired right now, but in just 4 hours, it will be time to start the day. I'm just not handling it all so well. I miss Matt too. I miss Lilly Belle. I am not able to pick her up and can barely get down to hug her and hold her. The two of them are my world. And not too long from now, Lucy will join our team. That's what Lilly Belle calls us; a team. </div>
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I could write all night, but I'll end on this. I found this quote on Pinterest:</div>
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"The only thing making you unhappy are your own thoughts. Change them." </div>
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Life will be beautiful with our two precious little girls. Lilly Belle already tells us practically everyday that Lucy is her best friend. I really hope so. These two little girls are a gift to one another. And they are for sure our biggest blessings!</div>
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Now to rest and soak up Lucy moving all around right now and to try to fall asleep again...</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-44902254485329522422016-08-31T17:57:00.005-07:002016-08-31T17:57:54.799-07:00The Joys of HomeschoolA couple nights ago, Matt was worrying about me. I was taking my nightly bath (the only time I'm not in pain) and he came in and asked me out of no where, "What makes you happy right now?" My immediate response was, "homeschooling Lilly Belle." <br />
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For the past 7 years I have owned a business (or multiple). I still currently own Main Street Dance my preschool dance program. I am also the Director of the preschool co-op I created this year, Bloom. But for the first time in Lilly Belle's life, my biggest time focus is HER. That makes my heart so incredibly happy! Main Street Dance is for her. Yes, I love teaching children. I always have and always will, but I continued to teach one class/week for the time being because she gets to go to dance class every Friday afternoon with her friends. Bloom was created 100% because of her. I wanted her to have a preschool to go to this year but we feel very strongly about homeschooling her right now as well. We wanted her to still get the social aspect of school, but in a safe and controlled environment - so...I created Bloom. It is now the highlight of our week and even though we have only just finished our third week together, there are new friendships growing and it is very exciting. <br />
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With owning FIT4MOM, so many of her friends are still babies and toddlers. She was always the oldest (or close to it). We always joke about how it must be sad for her that none of her friends can talk back to her ;) Does she love and adore her baby and toddler friends? YES. 100% yes. She is like the big sister. But I knew she was craving more. She loves being with kids her age and loves even more to be with kids who are even a bit older sometimes. She now gets that with dance class and Bloom each week. <br />
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I have loved getting to spend so much quality time with her. Does it stink that I'm in so much pain during the day? Yes. But I know that is temporary and this new life we have together is not. This is our lifestyle now. I get to be home with my girls literally 24/7. The amount of time it takes to prep things for Bloom can easily be done during naptime or when she is in bed. And, I've been teaching dance for so long (over 15 years) that I don't lesson plan anymore - I just head to class and teach. I feel out the kids that day and do what works. <br />
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My main focus has been homeschool with Lilly Belle. She is loving it. She asks for school all day long. When I run out of activities for the day, she begs for me to think of something else we can do together. Now that we have officially started our school year following the Simply Learning Kids curriculum, our days are so much more structured and relaxed. I can plan for 2 weeks at a time and feel so prepared for what the next day will look like. She doesn't do well when she is bored. Sound familiar? She loves learning and working on new things. <br />
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Every night before I put her to bed, I prep school for the next day. I set it all up on our buffet, which serves as our school storage for 75% of our school supplies. I find that our school day goes so much smoother when I'm not rummaging around in between activities trying to set up the next one for her. If I can keep things flowing one activity into the next, she does so well. She learns more and is a lot more focused. We pause in between activities only to clean up and put away what we were working on and grab the next activity in our plans. <br />
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We always start with circle time together. I sing songs to her, show her the calendar, read her our curriculum story, talk about our bible verse, and maybe one or two more things while sitting in the living room. Then we get up to do our curriculum activities together. After those, we read another story or two that goes along with our curriculum and we watch some educational YouTube videos about the subject we are working on. I've also been trying to get her to do some yoga, but it hasn't been working out to well with her broken clavicle right now. That part will have to wait... <br />
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We usually do school for 60-90 minutes in the morning and then I reset our buffet with new activities while she is napping and then we do school for sometimes 2 hours+ after she wakes up again. The afternoon time is usually things like play dough, busy bag type activities, playing games together, painting at her easel, or I make up little learning games for her to play - like rolling a dice and having her jump that many times. <br />
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I can't really take her out anywhere right now and she can't go to play at a park or anything too active because of her clavicle, so this has been working out so well for us right now. We are really loving our time together. We were watching The Jungle Book this afternoon and she asked me what happened to his mommy. I told her that he didn't have a mommy and she replied, "That's sad. I wish he had a good mommy like I do." My heart melted. I have had so much mommy guilt with not being able to really move and not having as much patience as I usually do, but she still thinks I'm a good mommy... <br />
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So when Matt asked me what makes me happy...it was an easy answer. Getting to be home with Lilly Belle. And even better, getting to teach her and watch her learn...and grow with her. I am so thankful that we are in a place that I get to be with her as much as I am; that I am finally a stay-at-home mommy. That makes me happy...<br />
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This stage of motherhood is a season. I don't know how long we will homeschool her. Right now, we know that it will be for sure for this year and next. We are about 75% sure we will homeschool the girls through elementary school, and about 50% sure we will always homeschool them. We don't know what the future holds, but for right now - this is working so well for our family, and my heart is full.<br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-2570492729424221862016-08-26T20:36:00.002-07:002016-08-26T20:36:47.818-07:00Lilly Belle Does Preschool | Little Blue Truck UnitWe have officially started homeschooling Lilly Belle and it is for real the best thing ever. I love every second of getting to watch her learn and grow. I feel really thankful that we are in a position right now that I am able to stay home with her to teach her and that together we can be the main influences in her life. She is learning so much more than what is just in her curriculum. She asks to do school all day long. We are constantly playing, reading, and learning together as a family and we are all really enjoying it. <br />
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We are following the <a href="http://www.simplylearningkids.com/">Simply Learning</a> curriculum and it has been such a blessing for us; especially in our first year of homeschooling when we were not 100% sure how we wanted to go about building her curriculum ourselves. We decided on Simply Learning for many reasons, but the main reasons being that it is created by a mom who has the same values and goals for her girls as we do. It is a modern literature based curriculum meaning that we are learning all subjects surrounding a different book each unit. She has everything there for us from worksheets and activities, to science experiments and crafts to enjoy together. From there Matt and I are going to add even more to the curriculum for Lilly Belle since she has been begging to do school after she wakes up from nap even though we spend our morning doing school time together. Our afternoons have been when she does the activities that I have created for her. Anything from painting projects to fine motor skills activities. Matt works with her on math a few nights/week. Last night she learned about more Vs less with him as he grabbed a giant handful of stuffed animals from her bucket, and the two of them traded back and forth talking about who had more and who had less. He's good at making it a game for her. Lilly Belle and Matt also started a new tradition this week. Each night he is reading a chapter out of the "Who Was" series to her. She chose Who Was Walt Disney as her first book telling us that it says her name on the cover. She knows she is named after Walt Disney's wife, Lillian, so she thinks the cover of the book has her name on it when she sees the word, Disney. The books are definitely above a 3 year old level, but she has shown a real interest and is actually picking things up from each chapter when he asks her about what he read to her. <br />
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Our first unit was on the book, <a href="http://www.simplylearningkids.com/2016/04/little-blue-truck-literature-unit-study/">Little Blue Truck</a>. Here is a recap of our last two weeks with our first unit together. Our second week was a bit interesting as Lilly Belle broke her Clavicle on Sunday morning and then got pink eye followed by a sinus-type infection that has resulted in fevers as high as 105.2 degrees all week. She has still asked to do school, but for the first few days of the week we did not follow the curriculum, we just did what she was in the mood to do.<br />
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We made Ooblick for the first time as well as "mud" this week. She really loved playing with both.</div>
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Lilly Belle has been extremely interested in drawing people lately. They get pretty detailed and it's been so much fun watching her drawings get better and better. She also really liked washing her scooter while I washed our stroller out on the patio. We had a lot of fun cooking together too! </div>
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Sometimes we will finish all of our curriculum plans for the day and she'll ask to please do more school so I come up with as much as I can for her. On this particular day she wanted to do an experiment so we talked about color mixing and I let her play with food coloring and water to see the colors change. </div>
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We had our first two weeks of our preschool co-op, Bloom. I will write more about this later, but when deciding to homeschool Lilly Belle I could not find a co-op that fit our family so...I created one. And it has turned into quite a beautiful little school! Lilly Belle had to miss week #2 because she had 104.7 fever that morning, but I still went and Matt stayed home with her here. We then did school as a family together that night. She really loves going to school and being with her new friends. I have my fingers crossed that she will get to join in next week. She will most likely have to miss one more week though because I don't want to risk getting anyone sick.</div>
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I love watching Matt do school time with her. He teaches her in such a different way than I do and it is really so awesome to watch her learning with her daddy. She gets so excited when he's done working for the day and puts his computer away. She asks him right away if he will do school with her. </div>
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The two top pictures below show they worked on some science. They read her Usborne flashlight story learning all about apple trees and then drew an apple tree on her board and asked her to draw where certain things were. She also really liked her habitat matching game that I found in the Dollar Spot at Target a few months ago.</div>
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She is starting to be able to recognize her numbers 1-10 now. She knows 1, 2, 3, 4, and 8 every time. The rest she hesitates a bit or guesses. This was the first time she was able to complete a number sequence puzzle alone.</div>
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I am so excited about our next literature unit; Good Night, Gorilla. We have some really exciting activities planned for her at Disney's Animal Kingdom and Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge that will tie into the unit for her to be able to experience. That was one of the big reasons we chose to homeschool her instead of send her to preschool. We want her to experience her world and not be stuck behind a desk. I want her to see the world around her and want to learn all day long. </div>
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I'll try to do a post with all my lesson plans for the next two weeks for the Good Night, Gorilla unit. </div>
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I'm sure I'll have a night or two in my near future where I'll be up all night and have plenty of time to blog...!</div>
<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-41408272759373790002016-08-25T23:48:00.000-07:002016-08-25T23:48:00.559-07:00Pregnant with Lucy - 28 Weeks and The TruthI haven't blogged at all about Lucy. I announced we are pregnant again and then stopped there. I write to her often in her journal, but haven't blogged here about her or my pregnancy. That's probably because it has not been all that wonderful. It has actually been a bit of a nightmare. <br />
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Week 5: threw out my back - couldn't take any medicine - chiropractor helped a bit<br />
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Week 9/10: hemorrhaging - thought we lost our baby again - modified bed rest / no activity until they were gone<br />
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Week 14 - Present: severe Symphysis Pubic Dysfunction<br />
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I have now been pregnant for 9 months (with a few weeks in between pregnancies) and still have 11.5 weeks to go. It has not been an easy 9 months. I love Lucy so much. I try so hard to soak up all of her kicks and rolls as much as I can because she may have to be our last baby. <br />
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We always thought we would for sure have at least 3 kids and maybe 4. I always said for sure 4, Matt always says maybe 4. But 3 was always for sure. I just don't know if I'd be able to do this all over again and that crushes me. I love being a mom. I've wanted to be a mom since I knew I could be a mom. I've dreamt of my family with kids running all around for my whole life. In my dreams though, I could run around with them. I could pick them up. I could walk. I could move. I could sleep. <br />
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Not being able to move without pain is really hard when I have Lilly Belle to take care of as well. The mommy guilt is no joke. It is depressing. I've never felt more sad, alone, and depressed in my life. I have always been very active and have used exercise as my stress relief. I dream about the day when Lucy will be about 6 weeks old and I can go for a run, hell, even a walk, with my girls. <br />
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I have a wheelchair so that we can go out and do things as a family. The wheelchair makes me so angry. I lose all freedom when I'm in it. Matt likes to get me out of the house and for us to go to Disney together and will push me all day if I let him, but I cannot stand it. Last week we went to Epcot and I really wanted to go on Soarin'. Matt couldn't go with me because Lilly Belle is not tall enough. Usually if I have to push myself or do something with my wheelchair, I won't go because it makes me feel awkward and I don't like all the stares and how uncomfortable it all feels. We asked the cast member if Matt could push me through the line and then get out of line with Lilly Belle and they said no, I'd have to go alone. I really wanted to ride, and I was sick of not being able to do anything, so I told Matt I'd go try. Well... the entire cue is on carpet... up hill. The cast member sent me through the FastPass line, so there was a LONG line ahead of me with no one there - just open space for a really long time in front and in back of me and...I got stuck. Right there in line, I could not push myself up the hill on carpet. I wasn't strong enough. I felt weak. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I had zero freedom. I cried. Right there in line. I cried. Kids ran past me. A whole family passed me. And then, a man saw I was stuck and said he was pushing me the rest of the way. I asked him to just please turn my chair around so I could wheel myself back but he didn't want me to miss the ride because of the line, so he pushed me the whole-rest-of-the way. It was so kind of him. But all I felt was extreme embarrassment. It was awful. I went on the ride and loved it so much. Afterwards, I got back in my wheelchair and went to start going only to realize... all up hill on carpet again. The man, without asking, came back, told me he was pushing me, and pushed me all the way back to Matt in the waiting area. Matt and I both thanked him so much. Then he walked away and Matt kissed me and told me how proud he was of me for doing that on my own. I cried because I felt so helpless and stuck and powerless. <br />
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I miss feeling like myself. I miss feeling powerful and strong. I miss feeling freedom. I miss not being in pain. I wish for like 1 minute of the day I could walk without pain. Just for a minute. I wish I had patience with Lilly Belle like I used to. I wish I didn't lose my temper so much. I never used to yell at her, ever. Lately, I've been losing my cool more than I'd ever have liked. It makes me feel terrible and awful. It's hard to be in constant pain and also keep my patience all day long. I miss not having to think about picking toys up off the ground or if I really want to do that load of laundry because of how much it will hurt afterwards. I wish I didn't sigh and want to cry when she asks me to get up to take her potty... again. It hurts to much to pick her up. I miss not counting my steps around the house to remind myself when I'm taking to many. I wish I could get into bed to do story time with Lilly Belle. I wish I could sleep. It is 2:30am right now. I'm so tired, but it hurts so much when I lay down. Shooting, burning, stabbing pain all day long in my groin, butt, and pubic bone. Every step I take feels like someone is stabbing me in my groin. I can literally feel my pubic bone separated. I can feel there is a gap where there shouldn't be one. Sometimes I cry when it is time to go to bed because I know sleeping is going to hurt so much and that I'm going to be up all night. Sometimes I cry in the morning because I'm so exhausted and in so much pain from sleeping. Sleeping is the most painful thing of all. When my legs are together on my side, even with a pillow between them, it literally feels like my pelvis and pubic bone are being crushed. I lay in bed at night taking deep breaths over and over again until I either fall asleep because I'm just so tired, or like tonight, I get up and just decide I'd rather bet tired and stay up all night than be in that much pain. I can't breath when I lay on my back and my legs get so jumpy when I sleep propped up that it feels like bugs are crawling all over my entire body. <br />
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Today was my last grocery shopping trip. I've been able to handle the pain of grocery shopping because I can hold onto the cart. Most days I just decide I'd rather get out of the house and be in pain than be stuck in here. Today was the last day of that. I was in so much pain by the time we got to the checkout that I was literally talking myself through it all: "just finish putting the groceries on the belt, you just have to pay now, you just have to walk to the car, okay now carefully put Lilly Belle into the car, you're almost home..." I got home and told Matt that the only times I'll be leaving the house now are on Wednesday mornings for Lilly Belle's co-op preschool, Friday afternoons when I HAVE to teach my preschool dance class (money is stupid), and then only when Matt can take me out in my wheelchair. That's going to be REALLY hard for Lilly Belle too. She needs to get out of the house just as much as I do or we turn into crazy people. <br />
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I am angry because I always imagined really soaking this time up with Lilly Belle before we become a family of 4. I'm finally a stay at home mom. Something I have dreamt of my whole life, and yet...I can't even go to the park with her. I can't pick her up. I feel like I'm losing all this time with her. I already cry every time I think about all the time I missed with her when she was born and I had 8 million things going on. And then all the time I missed with her when we moved here and I had another 8 million things going on. For once, my whole world is just being her mommy and... I'm gone. I'm so far gone. I'm not myself. I'm angry a lot because I'm hurting so much. I'm sad a lot. I'm tired all the time. I'm not the mommy I want to be. It crushes me. <br />
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This has been a nightmare.<br />
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But then... Lucy will kick me. In the moments when I just want to cry because I'm in pain and so done, I'll feel her move and I'll remember that this is all worth it. I'll picture this amazing baby growing inside of me and wonder what she looks like and wonder what hilarious things she is going to do to make us all laugh. I'll wonder if she'll be quiet and shy or if she's going to be outgoing and talkative. I daydream about holding her and nursing her and how she is going to smell. I get so excited about little things like seeing her in all the cloth diapers we've been stocking up on or watching Lilly Belle help her when she's crying. I think about all the nights I'll GET to be up because I'm in nursing her. In no pain. Just holding my sweet baby girl and rocking her and singing to her and just soaking her all up. In just 11.5 weeks (or maybe less...I won't let it be more) she will be in my arms and all the pain will all be gone. Or, on it's way to being gone. Everyday after she is born there will be less and less pain, until one day, there won't be any pain and I'll be able to walk. Then I'll be able to run... and dance!<br />
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I cannot wait to play with Lilly Belle on the playground. I cannot wait to pick her up and swing her around. I can't wait to be able to lay on my side to snuggle up to her when she sleeps with us at night. I can't wait to skip with her and chase her around at Disney again. I cannot wait to hold my girls... both of them... together... at the same time! <br />
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I have to remember that I am so lucky that this isn't a forever thing. There are so many people in this world who live with pain all day everyday and it won't go away for them. There are way too many people who need their wheelchairs 24/7 and won't ever get to walk again. I get to walk again. I am lucky for that. My freedom gets to come back. This isn't forever. This is eleven and a half more weeks. <br />
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I have to just make it through this. And one day, I'm going to forget how much this hurt and I'll probably do it all over again. Because, at the end of the day... that sweet baby that will be in my arms at the end of this is going to make our lives even better. Right now, I cannot imagine anything being better than being just Lilly Belle's mommy - but I know that we are going to love Lucy just as much. That is so crazy to me. We will have TWO little girls to love with our whole hearts. TWO little girls that we'll look at and want to just burst because we love them so much. <br />
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Eleven and a half more weeks and I'll have my Lilly Belle and my Lulu BOTH in my arms! Until then, if I cry or seem like a crazy person... just remember it's because I've probably slept for maybe 2 or 3 hours the night before and I'm in a lot of constant pain. I'm not trying to be crazy or impatient or get frustrated so easily or be extra sensitive. It's just really hard. <br />
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I am so incredibly thankful for Matt. I could literally not have ever done this without him. He is there everyday to make sure that I'm as comfortable as I can be. He gets me dressed. He helps me in and out of the shower or bath. He helps me with everything. He is working from home now to help me. He pushes me in my wheelchair in 95 degree FL humidity just so I can get out of the house. He helps me with Lilly Belle. He gets mad at me for getting off the couch when it is something he could easily get for me or do for Lilly Belle. He is literally there for me 24/7. He sometimes even has to pick me up out of bed. He is constantly telling me that I'm his rock. He's told me that now for almost 8 years. Now though... he is mine. I've never felt depressed before in my life. I've had anxiety before, but never depression. He is getting me through this though. He won't let me lose myself. Even in my darkest moments, he makes me feel like I'm special and beautiful and even sometimes a little bit strong again. ...<br />
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This is all almost over. I'm going to try to sleep again now. I've got a comforter and a bunch of pillows out here in the living room and I'm going to try to sleep on the couch for a couple hours before Lilly Belle comes out here crying and asking me to "please come back and sleep in the bed..." <br />
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It's almost over...<br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-39141154403181873902016-07-20T13:13:00.002-07:002016-07-20T13:14:41.754-07:00Adventures in Preschool Homeschooling<div>
Wow, I really stink at blogging. I really want to be better about it and spend time on it because I love looking back on old posts. Especially the ones of Lilly Belle. </div>
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Lots of changes are going on around here: I am 22 weeks pregnant with our daughter, Lucy. I am now a Stay at Home Mom. I am just teaching my dance classes 2 hours/week. We sold FIT4MOM - more specifically, are in the process of selling. We have decided to homeschool Lilly Belle for preschool this year. I created a preschool co-op called, Bloom that now has almost 50 moms signed up in our FB group. My PSD is so bad that I can't do very much physical activity, and by physical activity I mean I cannot move without lots of pain. We are moving in September to a town next door to where we currently live, into a 3 bedroom condo. We are still in our "Year of Savings", which is why we are moving. I haven't blogged about it, but we have been going strong! </div>
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THIS post is going to be about our newest adventure...homeschooling! We have not officially started yet, we are just doing things here and there this month and the beginning of next month until we officially begin mid-August. Most of it right now is just Lilly Belle and I doing activities together here at home that don't involve me moving around (or very little) and that she is learning while doing. I'm trying to avoid 4 months of movies and TV as each week that Lucy grows more and more, I can move less and less and am using my walker and wheelchair more and more. </div>
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I wanted to document some of the fun things that Lilly Belle and I have been working on together. It is fun for me to watch her grow and learn. I feel so lucky that I get to be here with her to watch her learn so many new things and discover her world. </div>
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This is one of her favorite games. She got it last year for Christmas. We found it in the dollar section at Target. You are suppose to use the spinner and put that color and number of underpants into the wash machine, but we make up our own rules.</div>
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This specific time, she went and got this game out and told me that SHE was going to tell me how to play. I asked her if she was putting all the purple underpants together. Then I saw her put down the yellow ones. I teased her and said, "Is that purple??". She said, "No, it's yellow. Look, they are the same KIND of underpants." ..... okay smarty pants! </div>
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She then sorted all the underpants by type as I sat next to her just watching without saying a word. I was pretty impressed. I'm always pretty impressed...</div>
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Lilly Belle has discovered she can draw faces now. She is slowly getting rid of naps. They are slowly becoming shorter and shorter. Her new thing now is that while she is trying to fall asleep, she brings in her magnet drawing board and will draw people as she gets tired. This specific drawing is of Daddy. He has a head, hair, a mouth, two eyes, AND two legs. The other day she drew a face with glasses as well!</div>
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Sometimes in the afternoons I am in a lot of pain, so I will end up putting a movie on. I can't handle the mommy guilt of her just sitting watching a movie even though I'm struggling to grow a human ;) so I will put her work table in the living room, give her a pile of worksheets and her cookie sheet and then she works on her worksheets while watching her movie. Then my mommy guilt goes away...</div>
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I found these oversized tweezers in the school section at the Dollar Store and she has really enjoyed playing with them. The first couple times we brought this out, it frustrated her with the little ones so she ended up picking them up with her hands. I'd ask her to use the tweezers, she would get frustrated and throw them ALL on the floor like a crazy person, I mean...2 year old. Now that she has gotten the hang of it, she likes to play with them, but NOT if I tell her how to sort them. She likes to just "free play" with them. I'm fine with that. </div>
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We only do worksheets if she's watching a movie or if she asks for them. Sometimes she will wake up from nap asking, "Can we do school activities?" and that means worksheets. I have found TONS online and have been printing them out for her to work on. Some of them I've also printed and laminated on cardstock for her to use over and over. Some, like this one, I've printed multiple copies of because I enjoy looking at her progress each time she does a new one. </div>
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THIS is gold. I have been spending hours and hours and hours putting together activities, file folder games, and small work games for her to do once Lucy is born. She has not gotten to play with ANY of these yet, even though she's been asking while she watches me print, cut and laminate them all day everyday. I'm laminating everything so that we can use it again with Lucy one day. And if I'm lucky, any future babies after her ;) This picture is only about 1/2 of what I have in the file box now. Once we move, I will have more space because we are using one of the bedrooms as our office / play / homeschool room, and I will organize this a bit differently. For now...gold!</div>
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Lilly Belle LOVED this activity. I cut it all out and wrote the letters on it for her. She did the gluing and spelling as much as she could. Anytime she gets to use glue, she's a happy girl. We have had this art hanging on our living room wall for over a week now and she can now recognize all the letters in her name. Prior to this project, she only knew "L" consistently. She likes to run over and shout out the letters. "L" is HER letter. We've told her she's going to have to share with Lucy, but she wasn't having it ;)</div>
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Watching her do her worksheets in sometimes under 30 seconds, hold a pen like she's been doing it for years, trace letters perfectly, and talk like she is 15, always makes me wonder, "what else can she do?" So I've been trying some more challenging activities with her this week. She is NOT a fan of patterns at the moment. This is her first introduction to them. I know she can do a simple AB Pattern, but when asked to do it on an activity like this, she flips out. "I can't! I don't like this! I will try tomorrow, okay!" She is used to things coming easily to her and numbers, counting, and patterns have been difficult for her so far. I feel bad for her because that is where I struggle as well and it made school so hard in high school. Thank goodness her daddy is so good at math!! </div>
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It took so long to make this for her. I LOVE doing it, but I love doing it because I'm always so excited to get to watch her play with the activity I've created for her. This time, she played with this for maybe 3 minutes before deciding it would be a lot more fun to just decorate the refrigerator with these new magnets. It took a couple deep breaths from me, and then I was fine with it. We moved on and I'll try it again with her in a couple weeks. It's all laminated, filed and ready to go for next time! </div>
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Here was another pattern activity we tried. I created the pattern cards in a program called Canva. Then printed them on cardstock, cut them and will be laminating them for her. I found her Velcro popsicle sticks I made for her last year so we got those out. I thought she would love this, but I should have known... patterns. These pictures were literally about as long as she did this activity. I started with a regular approach. Did an example for her and then told her she could try. She immediately said, "NO." So I asked her if maybe she could try to do it super fast and we could race! That was this photo...</div>
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I saw she hated it so I pointed out that one of them was a rainbow. She was interested but was frustrated that the sticks did not fit under the card under the appropriate color. She wanted them to all fit underneath the card. She also did NOT want to put them in order from left to right. I think she was doing it to piss me off though ;) No, for real. I'm pretty sure that's why she was putting them down randomly. She was whining this entire 5 minutes we had this activity out lol. I didn't make her try any more after this. I put it away, gave her a hug and asked her if she wanted to color... </div>
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Life with my "Threenager" these days...</div>
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Lilly Belle can do her Do a Dot worksheets like this spot and dot one, in under 30 seconds. It's kind of crazy. I have to have like 15 printed out for her and she just flies through them. I get these out for her sometimes when she's in a bad mood or frustrated with something. It makes her feel good when she's so good at them :)</div>
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I found these awesome story pages at the Dollar Store in packs of 5. I am going to copy them and print them out for her in stacks because she LOVES it. It makes me so happy because when I was little and in preschool and kindergarten, I always chose the Writing Center when we got to choose. She loves to draw and write and then have me write on the back what she wrote so she can show Daddy. This story was about her best friend Lucas, his house, and his family. </div>
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She was drawing a "roof" and "stairs" that belong on his house. </div>
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We made sun catchers the other day and she did so well with it. I wish I would have just let her finish when she was really done and then made another in a few months to see the change in her attention span. I might actually have her make another one so I can check that. She filled it about 3/4 way and then said she was done and only ended up filling it because I made it a game with her. </div>
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These I am so excited about! We don't work on numbers much. I don't like them. She doesn't like them. But, they're important and it is really important to Matt that she start to know her numbers a bit more. As of today, she only recognizes the numbers 1, 8, and 10. She can count to 10 correctly. She can count to 20 by making numbers up, like "eleventeen" and then mixing all the teen numbers up and saying them as fast as she can and then shouting "TWENTY!" She doesn't like to slow down. She likes to do things FAST. (sounds like someone I know..... oops!)</div>
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Found these printables at: <a href="http://www.alittlepinchofperfect.com/">www.alittlepinchofperfect.com</a></div>
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This was the first time I got these out for her. I just want her to start becoming familiar with how the numbers look, and hearing them all. She's never really heard anyone count past 20, so I'm going to start with this very... very slowly. I had her count to 10 and point to the numbers. She has a hard time with one to one counting. She counts faster than her finger or points faster than her words. She helped me count and point to 10. Then, for the teens, I had her search through the pile for each number to add. I helped her when needed, which was for most. Then she got to put it on and I'd read the number to her. Then we counted and pointed to 20. Then we did the same with the twenties excepted even more assisted by me. She just likes putting the numbers on the card. I am hoping that she can count to 20 by the time she is 3 1/2. I know that once she is mentally ready to memorize numbers, it will happen quickly, so I'm not pushing it, but I am going to continue to make it a part of our day for her to be hearing the numbers aloud and to be seeing them as well. Repetition!!!</div>
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I've always dreamt of being a teacher and our hope is that one day I can be one. I am really enjoying teaching Lilly Belle. Her and I are having so much fun together and really learning a lot from one another. Today we bought a magnifying glass at Toys R Us so next on my list is for her and Matt to go on some nature walks and find bugs!! :) I'll get to go along soon enough... and it will be even better because Lucy can come along with her big sister too! </div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-83897089776279645812016-05-03T05:11:00.001-07:002016-05-03T05:11:33.437-07:00Year Of Savings Update - Week #1<div>
<b>Budget Update Week #1</b><br />
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We are coming to the end of our first week with our newly tightened budget in effort to pay off all of our debt and save for our first home! I am pretty pleased with how we are doing this week.</div>
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<i>Spending Update</i></div>
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We spent some extra money this week and decided to sign Lilly Belle up for horseback riding lessons. Her 60-minute lessons are $35.00. We like that it gives her a lifetime hobby and is something that will teach her a lot of responsibility. It's an investment for her future and makes her really happy. We also failed a bit and ate out for lunch at Culver's. We did not know Culver's existed here in FL and it is our fav-or-ite. We saw one in our new favorite little town here after Lilly Belle's horseback riding lessons and couldn't resist. I was so angry afterwards because it was $30. So between her riding lesson $35 + a $15 tip because her sweet 15 year old instructor was working so hard and kept our baby safe, and then $30 at Culver's cost us $80 we weren't planning on at the beginning of the week. That was all we spent this week.</div>
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<i>Grocery Update</i></div>
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I went grocery shopping for the first time using my new plan with minimal (or no) meat for dinner and am super proud that I came in at $116 for the week when my goal was $100. Now that I've shopped at Aldi, I am more prepared for next week's shopping trip and know now that I can't get everything I need there. I will also be prepared that when I need to go to Publix that I don't go while I'm hungry or thirsty (bought a bunch of Smart Water, chocolate milk, and a $1 snack sized container of Vanilla Oreos). Dropping those items which weren't necessary, I could have easily saved another $8-$10. </div>
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Every. Dollar. Counts.</div>
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<i>Budget Adjustments</i></div>
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Matt and I found a new storage unit that will bring the cost from $75.00/month to just $28.00/month and in a safer neighborhood. I'm excited about this. That is another $564.00 savings for the year. I also have an amazing friend who gave me some incredible budget tips. She told me about Coke Rewards (we don't drink it but friends do and I like bottled water so I'll start just buying Dasani), Starbucks Rewards, couponing, and more! Another thing on my list is to head to our storage unit when we move it over and see if there is anything in there that we can sell. I want to do a big purge. We have so-much-stuff. All it does is add clutter and more for me to clean. We're going to start simplifying. Hopefully we can make some extra money by doing that to pay off some of those doctor bills I have from our miscarriage.</div>
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<i>Debt Update</i></div>
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Nothing able to get paid off yet. Still in the process of making our adjustments and we are hoping that next month we can start to make a chunk in our debt. <br />
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<i>Goals for Week #2</i><br />
I am doing a huge marketing push for both dance and FIT4MOM and I hope that will help us a ton this month. My goal is to work 2 hours on FIT4MOM (in addition to teaching), 30 minutes for dance, and 1 hour on my blog each day. I also want to spend 1 hour/week on bettering myself for my businesses. That means waking up a bit earlier and pre-scheduling more posts on social media. We are also looking into an additional form of income for our family that I would really enjoy and I don't think would add too much time. I am also doing some major delegating with FIT4MOM in hopes of less time and more growth.</div>
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Overall, great week. It's feeling exciting to be doing this and to be going for it. It's been awesome to be EVEN more conscious of our spending. Since moving here we have HAD to be aware and careful, but now I'm taking it to the extreme and it's awesome. Matt's been so supportive and on board, even with the new foods I've been making. I think next week I'll surprise him with a pork chops, brown rice & broccoli night instead of a full vegetarian week (he'll be so happy)! </div>
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Stay tuned...</div>
<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-65471194864194946972016-05-02T10:59:00.001-07:002016-05-02T10:59:26.247-07:00Lilly Belle Goes Horseback Riding!<div>
We had the most wonderful weekend. Lilly Belle got to have her first horseback riding lesson, and we are certain that this is going to be something she enjoys for a really long time, if not forever. Going into it, we thought that maybe she would be nervous and possibly cry going by the horses for the first time. We were very wrong. Girlfriend practically ran to the horses in her little cowgirl boots. We had to remind her time and time again to move slowly and talk calmly with them. </div>
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<br />We have signed her up to go every other week. She'll only go once this month because of Mother's Day and our upcoming trip to Seattle, but beginning in June she will go continuously every other Saturday. </div>
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It was pretty much the cutest thing we've ever seen her do...She's getting so big.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We let her do everything on her own with Miss Rachel. She had to help prep and groom her horse and had to help Miss Rachel go back and forth into the shed to get everything they needed. There were picnic tables there that Matt and I sat at for the majority of the time. I could feel her bursting with pride and independence. </div>
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She has been telling everyone that she has seen today about her lesson. I can't wait until we can take her back!</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-53758906610024445122016-04-30T18:37:00.002-07:002016-04-30T18:39:16.484-07:00Ratatouille: Dinner Not the Movie<div>
As part of our new savings plan, we have been making more vegetarian meals and it's been fun to try some new foods! I was so proud of both Matt and Lilly Belle with our latest dining adventure...Ratatouille. </div>
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The original plan was to have Lilly Belle watch the movie and then help me make the dish so that she would be more excited to try it. I thought we owned the movie, but I was wrong...and then I got a little bit more nervous about making it for dinner. </div>
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We have been working really hard at dinner time with having Lilly Belle try new foods and having her eat what we're eating. To help with this, she helps me make dinner. It has been a lot of fun and a bit of a transition for our family. Usually Matt cooks and makes us dinner. With his current job, it just isn't realistic anymore with Lilly Belle's 7pm bedtime. She gets so excited to help me with dinner and it has been helping with having her try new food.</div>
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So...Ratatouille. </div>
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It was the perfect dish to have her help me with. Different textures of food, colors, and we made lots of circles! </div>
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Here is the recipe we followed: <a href="http://acleanbake.com/ratatouille/">Ratatouille </a></div>
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It was our first time trying Eggplant so I let Lilly Belle hold it and ask questions for a bit before I sliced it. </div>
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It was a great recipe for her to help with. I let her put them all in. It taught her patterns too: eggplant, onion, tomato, zucchini, eggplant, onion, tomato, zucchini...</div>
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It was a delicious meal. Matt ate most of his and Lilly Belle ate all of her zucchini and even some of her onions. We also made a Caesar Salad and she ate some of that as well. I was proud of Matt for eating the eggplant (he doesn't like it) and Lilly Belle has never tried zucchini before and she gobbled it up. We will be making this again. Yum and so fresh!</div>
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Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-85775366719839907502016-04-29T09:00:00.000-07:002016-04-29T09:00:13.738-07:00Budget Friendly Healthy Meal Planning - Week 1Here it is, our weekly grocery list and this week's dinner meal plan! Lilly Belle and I took an afternoon to do some major grocery shopping. We hit up Aldi and Publix. We are both not huge fans of grocery shopping, so it made for an interesting afternoon, but I'm feeling so great about how much money we saved! <br />
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I'm not even going to attempt to make this blog a food blog so here are the amazing recipes I chose from Pinterest and links to all of them. <br />
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<b>MENU</b></div>
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Thursday - <a href="http://www.thewholesomedish.com/easy-denver-omelet-hash-brown-casserole/">Denver Omelet Hash brown Casserole</a></div>
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Friday - <a href="http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/cheesy-corn-and-black-bean-quesadillas">Cheesy Corn & Black Bean Quesadillas</a></div>
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Saturday - <a href="http://afewshortcuts.com/2015/02/zucchini-pizza-boats/#_a5y_p=3381982">Zucchini Pizza Boats</a> </div>
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Sunday - <a href="http://damndelicious.net/2014/12/01/slow-cooker-enchilada-orzo/">Enchilada Orzo</a></div>
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Monday - <a href="http://acleanbake.com/ratatouille/">Ratatouille</a></div>
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Tuesday - <a href="http://www.cleverlysimple.com/easy-macaroni-and-cheese-recipe-in-the-slow-cooker/">Crock pot Mac n Cheese</a></div>
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Wednesday - <a href="http://smilesandwich.com/2014/07/22/taco-stuffed-summer-squash-boats/">Summer Squash Taco Boats</a></div>
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For just $116 I was able to get all the ingredients I needed for these dinner recipes, plus food for breakfast, lunches, and snacks. I bought fruits and veggies. And even some Smart Water and chocolate milk for myself! I didn't buy the meat from Aldi, and couldn't all the ingredients I needed there so that's why we also went to Publix. The Publix trip really is what brought us over $100. There were way too many things in there that tempted me. I had already bought everything we needed and then bought some more fruit, the chocolate milk and waters. <br />
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This budgeting madness has got me so excited! I've decided to do weekly budget updates instead of monthly - it will help me stay on track a lot more!<br />
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Stay tuned...<br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-16928369131555841352016-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:002016-04-28T09:00:03.699-07:00Slow Cooker Lentil Stew<div>
On our path to healthier living and a more budget friendly lifestyle, we are making some big changes to the way we eat. One of the changes we are going to work at is to eat more meatless dishes. I'm never a big meat fan, but Matt is. We'll see how much I can get away with more than just a Meatless Monday every week. </div>
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Tonight I made our first Lentil Stew. I've eaten lentils before when I nannied in Seattle. My nanny family there eats them often. I had never even heard of them prior to living in Seattle. And up until tonight, I've never cooked with them. I am pleasantly surprised with how delicious the Lentil Stew is that I made tonight, and how easy!</div>
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<b>Slow Cooker Lentil Stew</b></div>
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1 1/2 cups of lentils</div>
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3 peeled and chopped carrots</div>
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3 celery stalks chopped</div>
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1 sweet onion chopped</div>
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4 cups of chicken stock</div>
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1 28 Oz can of crushed tomatoes</div>
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Parmesan cheese for topping</div>
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Mix all ingredients (except for the cheese) into the slow cooker and cook on low for 6-8 hours. Sprinkle with cheese before serving. </div>
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This meal cost about $8.00 to make! I still have enough for 2 or 3 lunches from leftovers. </div>
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I am so glad that my friend Nalani shared this recipe with me! We will definitely be making this again. We even got Lilly Belle to eat it up. We told her that Cinderella would for sure eat Lentil Stew and that helped a lot. She ate almost her whole bowl, and then also a ton of cheese that she would dip piece by piece into the stew. Silly girl...</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-58559892977656203702016-04-27T11:24:00.001-07:002016-04-27T11:24:07.846-07:00Our Year of Savings!<div>
I just celebrated my 28th birthday, and it is bothering me a ton that at 28 and almost 30 years old, we still do not own a home. It drives me crazy actually. In reality, we could never have owned a home in the Seattle neighborhoods we lived in on the eastside. Home prices there are sky high. And now, we have chosen one of the wealthier neighborhoods in Florida to live in, so...we are kind of making it a lot harder for ourselves. But for me, no excuse! I see my friends all around me owning homes. I'm ready for that to be us.</div>
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We have some work to do first before that can happen and I want to make this a journey on my blog so that it keeps me more accountable! I have decided that in my 28th year, I want to spend less and make more so that we can achieve our goal of owning a home. Here's my plan because by my 29th birthday, I want us to be in a position to be looking at homes! </div>
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-Change the way we eat! No more eating out all the time. No eating out at Disney. No snacking at Disney. No more Starbucks runs all the time. And... Matt's not going to like this one - less meat! We are going to be eating healthier and on a more vegetarian style diet. This is for both health and financial reasons as Matt is also on his own journey right now. I want to help him.</div>
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-Set aside specific hours each day where I sit at my computer to do marketing work for both my dance and fitness companies. I also want to delegate more so that more things are accomplished. </div>
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-No more Target runs. They kill me. I'm going to avoid going to Target. I never leave Target without spending at least $100. Never. I usually go at least once/week. That's about $5,200/year!</div>
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-Every Sunday I will plan out our meals and we will stick to them so we are not constantly buying more food or eating out because we failed to plan. I will do my best to keep our grocery budget as close to $100.00/week as I can. We have done this before so I know it can be done. Lately, I've been too relaxed about it and usually spend at least $200/week on groceries. That's a $400/month savings! $4,800 in a year!</div>
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-More crock pot meals. This will save both time and money.</div>
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-Every time I go grocery shopping I will get $20 back in cash and put it in savings that we aren't allowed to touch. That's $1,040 in a year if I do it every week.</div>
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-We will cancel Netflix, Hulu, and our SeaWorld passes (we rarely go). This will save $45.00/month between the 3. That's $540 in a year.</div>
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-I will homeschool Lilly Belle. We were planning on homeschooling her for preschool but are also looking into a co-op preschool for her. I think we will pass on that for this year even though it looks so cute. That will save over $1,000.00.</div>
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-Teach more classes. If I teach just two more classes/week than I am right now, that will save us at least $1,560! </div>
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-Grocery shop at Aldi, Trader Joes and Walmart. </div>
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-I am hoping I can start blogging more too! </div>
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-Matt always talks about getting a part time job, but we're not there yet ;)</div>
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Just with the numbers above alone, that is a savings of <b><i>$14,140</i></b> in a year just from small changes! That is a down payment on a house. </div>
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On top of being really good at saving, we need to pay off some medical bills from my miscarriage and my hospital visit this pregnancy. We have one other debt to pay off, but hopefully my working extra hard will cover all of that. We have a goal of 30 dance kids/session and 100 mamas as members in my fitness company.</div>
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Starting on May 1st - because it's a good solid #, we are going to do a ZERO SPENDING MONTH. Nothing extra. </div>
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I am excited to write about this and keep updating our progress each month. We are already on the right track and have an amazing budget that I update every morning, or sometimes 3 times a day (obsession). We have lowered our health insurance and got rid of cable. Now if only we could all cram into a one bedroom for the next year. ... I'm kidding. </div>
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28 is my year of savings and progress. I want my babies to grow up in a home, not from apartment to apartment. We can do this! </div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-74409979753712514282016-04-26T17:53:00.000-07:002016-04-26T17:53:41.787-07:00Pregnancy After Miscarriage<div>
We were in complete shock when we found out we were expecting this sweet miracle baby. I still look down at my growing belly and am usually still in disbelief. </div>
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It has been 139 days since our first appointment with our last pregnancy finding out that our baby had a "possible heartbeat". (December 9, 2015)</div>
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It has been 130 days since our next appointment where I ended up having two ultrasounds, one lasting an hour long, sitting in a room hearing the words "there is no heartbeat"... (December 18, 2015)</div>
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It has been 110 days since I lay in the hospital bed being prepped for my D&C surgery crying and begging my husband to take me home; begging him to not let them take my baby away from me. (January 7, 2016)</div>
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And still, I miss our William every single day. We named him William. We felt like it was a boy. It helps me with the healing to give him a name. We would have called him Liam. I cry whenever I think about our angel in Heaven. Even though, I have a beautiful miracle baby inside me now with the most amazing heartbeat I've ever heard. Hearing Lilly Belle's heartbeat for the first time was incredible and something I will never forget. But hearing this baby's heartbeat was an answered prayer. A miracle. Something we had been longing for for so long.</div>
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Just 2 months later. Just 2 months exactly after my D&C, on March 7th, 2016, I took a pregnancy test. I had only had one period. It was only 60 days after that awful day. 60 days after one of the worst days of my life. My dad called me. I was on my way to Stroller Strides. My dad doesn't usually call me, so when he does I always think something is wrong. This time I was right. He was calling to tell me that my 15 year old sister is pregnant. I was so angry. I had just went through hell losing our baby. A baby I wanted and loved and tried for. A baby I prayed for every day with my husband. A baby who had a big sister so excited to meet him. A baby with two parents, a home, a family. I was so angry that she could get pregnant and have a healthy baby and that even though we already have a family and are in a place to have a child, couldn't. I was angry that I went through all I did. That I kept that lifeless baby inside my body for a month because I couldn't bare to lose him. A month where I felt more and more dead every single day. A month where I felt like I was dying inside and had to push through each day. I was so sad. I got so mad and said to myself, 'I'm going to take a test as soon as I get home!' I knew we had only been intimate one time because we weren't suppose to try, so the chances of seeing a positive pregnancy test were basically zero, but I wanted to be pregnant with everything I am. I wanted to see a positive test. I ran into the bathroom when I got home and took it so quickly. I almost walked away but then...I saw a 2nd line. </div>
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And... everything changed. It was positive. I was pregnant again. Already. Something we never dreamed would happen in a million years. Things like that don't happen to us or for us. Nothing ever goes the way we plan or better than we plan, that's just the way things work for us. Not this time. </div>
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This time there was <b>light</b>. So much <b>light.</b></div>
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I called to tell my parents. I said "I think I'm pregnant too!" They were beyond thrilled. I still wasn't 100% sure because it was such a faint line, but I took another and it was darker. Matt knew just through the way I was texting him and he called me. I wanted to tell him when he got home from work but he knows me way too well. He was freaking out just as much as I was. We couldn't believe it!</div>
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We are having a baby. Our angel in Heaven is looking down on his little brother or sister and watching over his big sister every single day. I can feel him with me. I cannot wait until we can meet one day in Heaven. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. </div>
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This pregnancy has not been an easy one, and I'm only a bit over 10 weeks along. </div>
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In my 5th week of pregnancy I blew out my back. To the point where I could not move. I was stuck between bed and the chiropractors office for a good week. I couldn't take any medicines or do anything that needed to be done because I was pregnant.</div>
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<b>God needed me to rest.</b></div>
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On the morning of Saturday, April 16th (9 weeks) Lilly Belle came running in to say good morning. She is now fully potty trained and does not wear diapers to bed, so the first thing we always do is go potty. She goes, and then I always have to go so bad too that I go right away. So, I took her potty and without flushing in between, I peed too. Lilly Belle has been working hard on her colors lately, and looked down after I had wiped and proudly announced, "Look! I made red!!" I looked down in the toilet to see blood and a clot in the toilet. I thought I had once again lost our baby. I called Matt in (as he was still sleeping) and he came running in. I wiped again and there was again blood (like a period) on the toilet paper. Matt got Lilly Belle out of the bathroom as I closed the door to cry. I told him to please get her ready, we needed to go to the ER immediately. We threw on some clothes and got out the door by 7:15am. </div>
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When we arrived there was someone ahead of me, so I just stood there in the ER waiting room sobbing while the woman took care of the lady ahead of me. When it was my turn, she sat me down and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was losing my baby and was 9 weeks. My best friend, Lindsay, rushed over and picked Lilly Belle up from the hospital around 7:45am and took her for the day. </div>
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Matt and I waited in that waiting room for at least 45 minutes to an hour before anyone called us back. We got back and they told me I would be getting an IV and a pelvic exam. They hooked me up to the IV and then the doctor came in for the exam. She found that there was no new blood and told me that was a good sign, but she still did not know until we did an ultrasound, if the baby was okay or not. </div>
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The nurse then wheeled me over to the ultrasound area to wait as someone was already getting an ultrasound. We sat there outside the room listening as a woman inside was finding out that she was having a boy. I was numb. I couldn't move or talk. It was like de ja vu. It all came flooding back. I was certain there would be no heartbeat. I felt like it was going to be just like our angel baby. I thought we were done and that I was going to be going through this all again. I kept telling Matt that I couldn't do it again. He kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.</div>
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After about 3 hours of being at the hospital, it was finally my turn for my ultrasound. I told her that I know there is no heartbeat. My exact words were, "I know my baby is dead." She then smiled and said, "well... you're wrong." </div>
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She wasn't supposed to show me anything but she felt terrible for what I was going through and explained that the baby was 100% perfect, but it was me that had something wrong; I was the one bleeding. Hemorrhaging actually. I was scared, but so thankful that my baby was okay!</div>
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We then had to stay there for about another 2 hours until my IV was done and for the doctor to come talk to us. We were sent home with me being told I was on bed rest until the two hematomas were gone.</div>
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<b>God needed me to rest.</b></div>
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On Monday I had my appointment and again was told, "light activity". I had to get subs all weekend and couldn't do anything. </div>
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On Wednesday, my mom and I decided to go to Ikea. I said I would rest a lot and just walk through really slowly. I needed to get out. About midway through I started to have the worst stomach ache... which quickly turned into cramps. Which quickly turned into cramps bringing me to the ground. Which quickly turned into what felt like contractions. We left as soon as we could and went straight to the doctor. They got me in but with a doctor that I did not feel 100% comfortable with. During the appointment, he used a little tummy ultrasound monitor and didn't find a heartbeat... and then just thought it would be fine to send me home. I was in hysterics again. I sat out into he hallway not sure of what to do and once again thinking my baby was gone. </div>
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I ran back in bawling and they quickly took care of me. They let me get another ultrasound (a real ultrasound) and let me talk to the head doctor whom I have been seeing for my appointments and feel 100% comfortable with. I was not only then reassured that our baby is totally fine, but also that my bleeding has dissolved and is 100% gone. </div>
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<b>God needed me to rest.</b></div>
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All a relief. But my worrying never stops. It's awful. I am so excited for this sweet baby, but spend so much time wondering if I'm going to lose this one too. I am still grieving our angel baby and it feels so strange sometimes when I'm crying about our baby we lost even though there is another baby with me. I want them both. I don't want any of my babies to be gone. I miss him. And I love this sweet baby inside me so incredibly much. </div>
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Lilly Belle insists that this baby is a "baby brudder because baby sister is in Heaven." She thinks the last baby was a baby sister so usually only calls this baby a boy. She never forgets about our baby in Heaven and we never will either. She has been talking about Jesus a lot lately. She tells everyone that Jesus is in their heart. She even asked Mickey Mouse this past weekend while at Magic Kingdom with my mom if Jesus was in his heart.</div>
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It has been 139 days since we lost our angel baby and I have now been pregnant with our miracle baby for 73 days. Life is an amazing thing. I thank God every day for all 3 of our babies. I feel so lucky to be their mommy. I am so lucky that they picked me. This pregnancy is going to be scary until the day I hold this sweet baby in my arms. I try so hard not to stress and to be calm. I try to stay busy on days when that's what I need. There are so many emotions. It's a lot.</div>
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But at the end of the day, I am thankful to God. We feel so blessed to have this sweet baby growing inside me, and know that one day, we will get to be with ALL of our babies in Heaven.</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-34492253549248736382016-04-25T15:00:00.001-07:002016-04-25T15:00:16.153-07:00Baby Number Two!<div style="text-align: center;">
It's official! </div>
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Lilly Belle is officially going to be a Big Sister, and way proud of it! </div>
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I am a bit over 10 weeks pregnant now with our 3rd baby and so far, so good. We still pray everyday and know that we're still not 100% in the clear yet, but really, are we ever? I mean, I still worry every single day about Lilly Belle and she's almost 3. I'm pretty sure that just never goes away. So, I'm soaking it all up and enjoying every second with this sweet precious miracle of ours. </div>
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Our sweet baby is due November 20th - perfect time for a Florida baby!</div>
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We're all pretty excited around here. Lilly Belle loves to tell everyone we see that there is a baby in my tummy. It makes me just as happy each time I hear her say it again...</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-42801670799984421642016-03-30T10:46:00.001-07:002016-03-30T10:46:22.356-07:00Tot School | Colors - Day 1Today was a big day for Lilly Belle. We did our first day of Tot School here in our home with our friends. Lilly Belle has a few of her buddies who will be doing Tot School with us. This week 2 of them can't make it, but LB & EG had so much fun on their first day!<br />
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This week's theme is colors and we had lots of fun projects planned out for the kids. We are following Simply Learning on Instagram for our inspiration and to follow along with her curriculum each week. She has an incredible site filled with ideas for moms to do Tot School at home with their kids and it's all free - which is incredible because it's worth so much. <br />
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We used a few of the ideas we found there along with some we found on Pinterest. I will post the activities we chose each week as well as how I felt LB did with each one. Right now she is (almost) 32 months old, so almost 3. She was really into it all this morning. <br />
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We are going to be meeting two days a week with the kids from 9-10:30am. Each week we will switch up the theme for them. We used a lot of things that we found at home, and then we had to go out to buy a few things too. It wasn't so bad though because it's a lot cheaper than paying for preschool! Ashley probably spent around $20 and after I get the dot a dot markers and a bin for tomorrow we'll be around $20 as well - but a lot of the things they can use over and over again. <br />
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We started our morning off with the Rainbow Rice Sensory Bin. The girls could have easily played in there for 30 minutes. We asked them what colors they were playing with and they were really into it.<br />
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<a href="http://www.ehow.com/ehow-mom/blog/make-it-diy-rainbow-sensory-box/">DIY Rainbow Rice</a></div>
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This project has such easy clean up too! Took only a few seconds to sweep it up after they were done playing. EG was so cute and got out the dishes from LB's kitchen so they were then pretending to cook with it too. Love their little imaginations! It was so interesting this morning to watch what each of them were interested in. <br />
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Next, the girls worked on sorting the Fruit Loops into Dixie cups according to color. LB has never had a Fruit Loop before, so once she discovered how good they were, she would mostly tell us what color it was and then eat it. But she was getting pretty good with the colors. She struggles with mixing up green and red sometimes and every now and then will forget yellow and instead say "like a duck" but for the most part, she got them all.<br />
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Once their colors were sorted, we had them work on stringing the Fruit Loops onto a necklace. Ashley showed LB how to do it and did a few for her and then LB started to do it all on her own. She loved it and was really good at it. I was so proud of her. We'll work more on her necklace after nap today, their attention spans were pretty short this morning - maybe 10 minutes/activity - 15 including clean up and prep for the next one. But we never stopped talking about colors.<br />
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Snack time was <b>Orange</b>s and <b>Blue</b>berries...had to stick with the theme ;) EG wasn't a fan so LB ate both of their snacks ;)<br />
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We thought the girls might like a change of pace, so we got out the paint! We found this adorable activity on Pinterest. The girls would dip the celery into the paint and the goal was to make scales on the fish. LB decided it was a lot more fun to use the celery like a paint brush and then to mix the colors on her page. It was a lesson in letting go for mommy ;)<br />
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<a href="http://www.craftymorning.com/celery-stamping-rainbow-fish-craft-for-kids/">Celery Stamping</a></div>
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We headed out to our patio for the girls to get some fresh air and some active play. Ashley and I drew circles on the ground in different colors and were hoping the girls would jump on specific colors when called out to them. Neither of the girls thought that was a good idea, and instead just jumped all around on them. Which was just fine too...again, mommy needed to let it go. LB loved it.<br />
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We attempted to read the girls books about colors, but they were so done by then so we let them play in LB's room. For a while LB was bringing us things that were all the same color but then we realized I was late for Stroller Barre so we had to put an end to Tot School for the day, and quickly! Oopsie! </div>
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It was such a fun morning together and I can't wait to see what we can get the girls to do tomorrow. Next week will be shapes, and I'm pretty excited about having the other two kids with them too. It will either be complete chaos, or a lot more structured...we'll see... :) </div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-59200865581990613102015-12-30T05:18:00.002-08:002015-12-30T05:18:47.985-08:00Christmas Eve | | 2015<div>
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Christmas Eve in the Lanese House was super relaxed this year. Lilly Belle and I spent the morning baking cookies and playing while Matt worked from home. We made our favorite Peanut Butter Blossoms even though we still had like 4 dozen cookies left from the cookie exchange I had with my friends.</div>
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Lilly Belle and I had to run to Target for a few last minute things and when we came home, Nana and Papa's presents had arrived and Matt had them all set up under the tree. We Skyped with them while we opened our gifts and Lilly Belle was so excited to "see" them!</div>
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Just as we were about to head out to church before dinner, my childhood dance coach and her girls surprised us with a visit! I didn't know they were in Orlando until Matt saw it on Facebook a few hours before. Lilly Belle showed them her recital dance and they taught her a few cute little songs too - she loved it! It was a really nice visit and felt good to have some "family" with us for Christmas. I was feeling homesick all day.</div>
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We made it over to church and Lilly Belle was thrilled to see that her friend Emilie was in Kids Church with her. They got to go on a train ride outside around the parking lot during the service and she made me a sweet nativity craft. Lilly Belle is like mommy and loves going to church!</div>
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We headed home for our usual traditions - even though it was super late! We had our chicken asparagus casserole (tradition for 8 years now since Matt and I were dating and he made it for me). We had hot chocolate and popcorn while we watched The Grinch and Mickey's Christmas Carol. Lilly Belle was exhausted so we read her The Night Before Christmas and she got to sleep in our bed. She loves when she gets to sleep in our room! She was also excited to wear her Santa "footies"!</div>
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One last time checking the Santa Tracker! He was in London. She didn't understand where that was, but we have some friends who were in England, so I told her that Pennie and Poppy were getting their presents delivered and she was happy about that.</div>
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We set out the cookies and then it was time for Santa's Elves to get to work! We put the hoop together in about 3 minutes and then...it was time for that crazy kitchen. It took us 3 hours to put it together. Matt and I usually hate putting things together...together, but this wasn't so bad. </div>
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We were exhausted at midnight when it was all done, especially knowing Lilly Belle would be up crazy early the next morning! </div>
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It was a wonderful Christmas Eve. I'm so thankful for our little family and that we have Lilly Belle to experience Christmas with now.</div>
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-74588760202795710842015-12-28T06:00:00.000-08:002015-12-28T06:00:09.070-08:00Dear Lilly BelleDear Lilly Belle,<br />
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My sweet girl. You are getting so big. I haven't wrote you a letter in a long time and I am feeling like there is so much I want to tell you right now. I have so much that I want to remember about who you are right now. You are just 2 years old, but you are wise beyond your years. You can feel others emotions and are so good at comforting people. We just had a sweet baby go to Heaven, and you have been so incredible through it all. You are one amazing little girl.<br />
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I call you my little best friend. It is so incredibly true. We do everything together. You're always by my side. When I say that, I mean that literally. Today I couldn't take a bath alone without you crying at the door saying "please mommy. I just want to come in. Please mommy open the door!" (you got to come in, stinker). We spend all of our days together. We do so much together. You are so sweet with daddy and love him to pieces until I'm around - then daddy gets frustrated because you're attached to my hip. <br />
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You bring so much joy to my life. You bring so much joy to daddy's life. I cannot imagine our lives without you in it making us laugh and smile. This Christmas was hard with losing our angel baby, but oh so magical to see it all through your beautiful eyes. You are so verbal and animated. Christmas morning was so special - you loved it all so much. You were so grateful for each an every gift and thing we did with you.<br />
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I just want you to know that I love you. I don't want there to ever be a day that goes by that you guess how much I love you. You are my whole entire world. From the second I saw you I knew you were going to complete me. You made me a mommy and that is the best gift in the entire world. You are so precious to me. I can't begin to tell you how many times a day daddy and I just want to squeeze you. <br />
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I try so hard to soak you all up. All of your smiles. All your giggles. Even your tantrums. All of it. I want to bottle you up. I know you are getting older and there will be a day when you don't want me by you every second. This time, in the big scheme of things, is so short. I soak it all up. If you want to be held, I hold you. If you want to take a bath with me, I let you. You're so little but think you are so big. <br />
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I love you my sweet girl. Always always. You are the light of my life.</div>
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<br />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-18080402059102704332015-12-26T16:41:00.002-08:002015-12-26T16:41:26.704-08:0010 Weeks Pregnant with my Angel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Some days are harder than others. I was "strong" all day yesterday. It was Christmas. Lilly Belle is 2. She had been waiting for Christmas and to see what Santa was going to have under the tree for her since before Thanksgiving. I kept it together all day. We had fun. I will write about Christmas later, but right now I just need to write about my angel and how my baby is still in me. And how that is killing me. The past three weeks have been the hardest weeks of my entire life. From an emotional rollercoaster to start it off to now feeling the saddest and most lost in my entire life, it has been just really, really hard. It sucks. It really sucks. Yesterday felt like something was missing. I missed my baby and I grieved for all that I had planned for Christmas Day. We were supposed to announce our baby. We were going to give Lilly Belle her Big Sister Kit complete with her Big Sister Mickey Ears, big sister books, a doll, and her own little bag. Our Christmas/New Years cards were supposed to get sent out a few nights before. The cards announcing our sweet Baby #2. I miss my baby. I miss my baby so much. <br />
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I cried a lot today. Today was hard. Today sucked. This morning I felt so angry. I am 10 weeks 'pregnant' with our angel today. I am still technically pregnant which is <b>the</b> hardest part. 10 weeks of carrying my child's body in mine. And now knowing my sweet baby is there but is lifeless and there is absolutely nothing I can do. I can't fix my baby. I can't help my baby. I can't bring my baby back. But it's still there. My body won't let go. I'm doing all I can to tell my body to please, please just let go. I try hard to relax and pray. I pray to God to please let my body let go. I don't want surgery. I don't want my baby to be taken from me...again. I don't want to go into surgery awake and with my baby and then go out, have my baby taken from me...scraped or vacuumed out from me...and then wake up to feeling completely empty and lost. I'm scared. I'm really scared. <br />
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Matt has been so incredible. He knew Christmas was awful for me. This morning, he had all the decorations and tree cleaned up and put away by 9:00am. He then moved our entire living room around to how I've been wanting it so I would feel more comfortable and more at home. He spent the whole day taking care of me. He let me take a bath. He let me go to Trader Joes alone. I struggled today.<br />
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This morning I fell apart in the living room. I was sitting on the couch and just started crying. I cried that I wanted my baby back. Lilly Belle was playing in her room and Matt held me. Lilly Belle heard me and came out. She pushed her way between Matt and I and then crawled up to snuggle on me. She wrapped her little arms around me and rubbed my face. She said, "its okay mommy. I'm right here, mommy. I'm right here. Baby sister is an angel. It will be okay mommy. I love you mommy. I'm right here. I'm right here..." <br />
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I held her as tight as I could and just sobbed. And she just let me and continued to hug me back and rub my face. Matt held us both as he cried hard too. This has been so hard on all three of us. We lost sweet "baby sister" and forever will have an angel with us. <br />
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Matt got stern with me the other night when I was crying. All of my friends keep saying how I am so strong and they're amazed at how strong I am being. He told me to stop. I don't have to be strong. I'm not right now and that is OK! It felt so good to hear. It felt good to have permission to just feel. It felt good to feel like I don't have to keep it all together right now, because honestly, I just can't. I miss my baby all the time. Especially because it's not gone yet. I am 10 weeks pregnant with our second sweet baby yet I'll never get to meet or hold my sweet sweeet baby. I'll never get to look him or her in the eyes and tell them how much I love them. I will never get to hear them laugh or hold them when they cry. I'll never get to nurse them or rock them to sleep in the glider. It hurts. It hurts so so much. <br />
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I have lost my symptoms. I just feel like me again except with a bit larger tummy and breasts. I wish that my sweet bump was growing. I wish it more than anything in this whole world. I wish that today we were at Disney fighting off the ridiculous Christmas crowds so that I could get my bump picture with a character holding my little number banner. <br />
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Today as we were cleaning I found my pregnancy test and our "I'm Celebrating Baby #2" buttons from Disney when I told Matt we were pregnant during the fireworks at Epcot. I held them and cried. I want to put them away. But I'm scared to. My 4 year old nephew drew me a picture of our baby. It will be on our refrigerator forever. My parents got me a little ceramic teddy bear angel with a July birthstone and that will forever be on my shelf. Right now it feels like that picture and that little bear are all I have of our baby. Those and the slowly fading picture in my mind of our ultrasound. I wish she would have printed it out for me. I'd hold it. I miss my baby. I am so scared of what is coming next. I am scared of the pill that will make me bleed and bleed until it's gone. I am scared of the pain, enormous amounts of blood, contractions, and nausea that come with it. I am scared of surgery. I'm scared of not waking up and losing Matt and Lilly Belle. I am scared of waking up and having scar tissue and not being able to conceive again. I don't understand why this is happening or why it is happening this awful, awful way. It is dragging on and on. December 2015 will forever be the worst month of my life. And at the same time, the most amazing as Lilly Belle and Matt are closer to me now than ever before. <br />
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Today I am 10 weeks pregnant with my angel. Today was hard.<br />
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<img alt=" photo signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" border="0" src="http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b227/krisgym14/signature_zpsbq1qmfdi.png" />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-46987001996897699452015-12-23T10:31:00.003-08:002015-12-23T10:54:23.327-08:00Growing Up Lanese<br />
This blog is about to get real. You just laughed in your head; maybe even out loud? With all that has been happening, one thing has stood out among the rest - I need to be a voice. After the post about our Angel Baby, I had so many messages from mamas who said they could not believe how brave I was for writing our story and how strong I was. So many said it made them feel better and remember their sweet angels in Heaven. I really do believe everything happens for a reason. Right now, I believe that the reason this happened to our family, is so that I can start to help other moms who are going through the same thing, or who will in the future go through miscarriage, or even moms who have had a miscarriage in the past, but have felt alone this entire time. Hopefully only until now. <br />
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I have been praying that this blog will turn into something bigger. It's always been just how I have documented our life. It started when we got back from our honeymoon, and then has continued and has become something so important to me as I documented so much of Lilly Belle's life here. <br />
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My goal (not resolution - I don't do those) for 2016, okay wait, <i>one</i> of my goals for 2016 is to grow this blog so that I can reach more moms. As the owner of FIT4MOM South Orlando, I have had the opportunity to reach so many moms here locally and to create a village of moms here whom have turned into my closest most best friends. I am really hoping that I can take that even further. I want to motivate, inspire, and encourage moms everywhere. I want to reach moms all across the country. Maybe even all across the world. Why not? I'm not one to set my goals low. <br />
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I so deeply believe that this baby was given to me so that it could be loved and celebrated so strongly. Our baby was then taken from us too early, but not early enough for us to not have dreamt out it's whole life. And with those extremely strong feelings of love for our sweet angel baby, I am now able to feel so passionately about this whole pregnancy and miscarriage. The pain that I felt and am feeling is so real and raw and awful and in it's own weird way, beautiful. It's beautiful because now I forever get to have an angel watching over us. Our time here on Earth is so temporary. We are here to learn lessons and to face hardships. We are given so many obstacles and it is our job to handle them in a way that will not steer us from getting into Heaven one day. <br />
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This miscarriage is only bringing me so much closer to God instead of further away. I want to be closer to Him because I know that right now my baby is right in His arms instead of getting to be in mine. <br />
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This blog is going to start touching on everything real. Everything from motherhood and being a wife, to faith, finances, fitness, and tough things like life after miscarriage. I am hoping this can be a place we can grow together.<br />
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This is the new "Growing Up Lanese"! I so hope you can laugh here, cry here, and find so much comfort here!<br />
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<br />Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-48389300031088925502015-12-22T11:36:00.000-08:002015-12-22T11:36:00.725-08:00One Foot In Front of the Other.This blog is becoming more and more precious to me every second of every day. Over the course of the past few weeks in finding that our baby is now in God's arms, I have never felt more connected to more moms; to more friends, in my entirely (short but oh so long) two years of motherhood. <br />
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We took a giant leap of faith in May 2015 to move our family 3,000 miles across the country from Seattle, WA to Orlando, FL. We moved just about as far away from family and everything that we knew as we possibly could. Well, we could have moved a bit further I suppose - my Mother-in-Law jokes that we may as well have moved to Miami. We came here for two main reasons: to be closer to Disney, and for me to open my FIT4MOM franchise. We didn't know at the time the tremendous impact this would have on our lives. We came here with high hopes for new careers, new friends, and a fresh start, but we did not know that we would get that all plus so much more. <br />
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Today has been hard. Yesterday was hard. I miss my baby. Period. I miss my baby a lot. I have been crying every time the though of missing my baby enters my mind. Because even though my sweet baby's body is still with me nestled inside my womb, I know my baby is gone. My baby is not coming back. My sweet baby's heart will never beat again. My baby is with God now, in Heaven. Most of the time, that thought is all that gets me through; it's so comforting. And then there are times, like today, when I just feel angry and sad. I want my baby to growing. I want Lilly Belle and this little bean to be 3 years apart, almost to the date, as they were going to be. It was our plan. Everything happened like we planned. That never happens to us. And now, as I still haven't lost this baby, we have to wait. And wait. And wait. If this all ends in me having surgery, we will have to wait even longer. At this point, if we got pregnant as soon as we're possibly allowed, Lilly Belle and our 2nd baby here on Earth will be 3 1/2 years apart. Their connection is getting further apart. Their interests are getting further apart. Lilly Belle wants a sibling more than anything. She vocalizes that and shows that in her actions everyday. <br />
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Today I felt like I didn't want to get out of bed. In fact, I didn't until almost 8:30am. I am usually up for Body Back by 5 or 5:30am everyday. I cancelled this mornings class last night because I had cramping and thought it might be happening - but nothing. Once Matt left for work today, I felt so alone and everything I had to do felt like I had to do it with 1,000 pounds of bricks on me. I finally got showered and almost out the door when I realized I forgot to brush my teeth. I almost cried at the thought of putting my purse down, opening the door to our room where I had already put Cogsy away, to go and just brush my teeth. I keep telling everyone that it's getting hard to life. <br />
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We got out the door today and made our way to Epcot, because Lilly Belle cried to go there saying to me, "I <b>need</b> to go on rides. I <b>need</b> to meet characters, mommy!" I really am trying so hard to make life normal for her. She's 2. She shouldn't have to understand what is going on. Her life shouldn't have to come crashing to a halt just because I can't "life" right now. It's hard. When we arrived at Epcot, I realized I was a crazy lady. It's December 22nd. The parks are insanely crowded. We walked in and walked out. Lilly Belle was really understanding and agreed that a picnic would do the trick. <br />
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We came home and had a picnic on the patio. She was pleased. I just couldn't stop having the feeling that I couldn't get a deep breath. Every time I would try, it felt like I had a ton of bricks on my chest holding me down. I could only take quick little breaths. I started feeling panicky. I talked to Matt for a bit and that made me feel a little better. I felt okay enough to get Lilly Belle down for her nap and read her a story. <br />
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I was sitting on the couch trying to catch up on work a little bit and the door knocked and I heard a package get left on the mat. I quickly went over, opened the door and saw a box with all 3 of our names on it. I had no idea who it was from. I opened it curiously and then cried when I saw it was chocolate covered strawberries and brownie pop snowman from my friend, Nalani and her husband Derek, who are my sweet friend here. Just knowing they were thinking of us and sent that to us to make us smile made my heart fill. I cried and then realized I was breathing again. I needed to cry. Not 5 minutes later, but another friend text me that she was on her way to pick up the humidifier she borrowed us. She also brought me over some gifts and a bottle of wine. I cried more. God sent us here on purpose. He knew I would need these women surrounding me right now. He knew I would need to be in a place with women who are texting me, bringing us dinner, taking over all my classes, messaging me, and giving me hugs when I need them. My Village is God's gift to us right now. He gave us a wonderful baby, but had to take it back to Heaven with him. Now here, I have my friends. Real friends. Friends who I know from the bottom of my heart will be there for me always. <br />
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These days will get easier. Life will get easier. Life will get better. This isn't the end of our story. We have so much more room in our hearts to love more children. We already talked and if it's God's will for us to not have anymore biological children, we will 100% adopt. <br />
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I hope that our story is comforting for other moms. You are not alone. You are never alone. Miscarriage can feel so solo. It feels like you're going through everything by yourself. But you're not. We have had too many friends come to us with their stories of loss. I hope that I can be a voice for moms to know that it's okay to be open about your baby's. They are so real, so precious. No matter how small or how early you are. <br />
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One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Chelsea Lhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08597434937769325811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2481896346095512575.post-39298626955724740882015-12-20T14:11:00.001-08:002015-12-20T14:11:37.268-08:00Our Angel Baby<div>
We are so thankful for all of the prayers and happy thoughts that have been coming our way even when we gave most of you no explanation. The love we have felt the last two weeks have made this all so much easier.</div>
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Matt and I now have a sweet angel baby in Heaven and it has been by far the hardest thing I've ever been through. I don't want this baby to be a secret, but instead to be celebrated and loved. I was a day away from 9 weeks when our doctor found that our sweet beautiful baby (who we got to see perfectly on the screen with little arms, legs and squishy little tummy) had just days or maybe even hours before (according to measurements) lost his or her heartbeat.</div>
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We have full faith that our sweet baby is now our angel and is forever at home with God. This faith is what is bringing us through this incredibly difficult time.</div>
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Lilly Belle knows her "Baby Sisser" is with Jesus and is an angel who will forever watch over her. She asks about "her" often and randomly throughout the day will say, "my baby sisser is an angel, mommy, right?". We told her what was going on a couple weeks ago after our first appointment. </div>
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We went into our appointment with high hopes and feeling so excited - as most do for their first ultrasound. When our doctor couldn't find our baby on the screen even though it was our 7 1/2 week appointment, it was terrifying and confusing, as she thought our baby was just 4 weeks as she could barely see it. She told us there was a "questionable" heartbeat. We left that appointment with so much confusion. I had bloodwork done to make sure my HCG and progesterone levels were okay and they were extremely high and were going up. Which made her thinking I was only 4 weeks even more confusing. My levels were appropriate for an 8 week baby as our dates would have thought. </div>
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We had another week and a half of thinking our baby was gone and grieving our loss. We told Lilly Belle that 'mommy has a baby in her tummy who is sick and that is why mommy cries all the time' - she was acting out often as she was so confused and totally feeling all of my stress. I felt so terrible and didn't want her to be confused or so worried about me. She is extremely empathetic and so good at reading people's feelings. Once we told her what was going on, she was incredibly sweet. There was one day when I was crying and just sitting on the couch just making it through the day with movie after movie on for her (totally not normal for us). She came up to me with her children's medicine she found in her drawer, looked at my tummy and said, "Baby Sisser, stop being sick, my mommy is too sad." She then handed me the medicine and asked if we could give it to "Baby Sisser." I only cried more for how sweet she was.</div>
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We had another appointment scheduled for when I would be 8 weeks and 6 days. I went into that appointment having basically already grieved the loss of our (4 week) pin drop size baby. And then, only seconds after she started our ultrasound...I saw my beautiful (big) 8 week 5 day baby on the screen. It was head down, with it's spine up against the left side. It had a perfect little tummy, legs, and its arms all curled into a ball in the fetal position. Our baby was perfect. I got ridiculously excited as I was not expecting to see a big baby as she claimed to not even be able to see one at our last appointment (we will NOT be going to this doctor for our next pregnancy...). </div>
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After probably about 30 seconds to a minute of seeing our beautiful baby, she told us that there was no heartbeat. She looked more and more... but nothing. I lost it. I could not believe this was happening. </div>
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We tried for this baby. We prayed and hoped for this baby. I loved this baby so much already. I cannot say I loved it as much as Lilly Belle because I loved this baby so differently. I loved it for all of the dreams I had for him or her. I loved it for the names we had picked out. I loved it for thinking maybe we could have a boy this time and thinking how different our life was about to be. I held my arms around my tummy every second I could and on the weekends when we were at Disney and I knew I wouldn't see any friends, I would wear as tight of shirts as I could so the whole world could see my sweet little baby bump that grew so quickly this time around. We celebrated every single second of this baby's life. And we always will. </div>
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My doctor sent us out of the room with 2 different pain medicines and told us to prepare for a lot of pain as the baby has now grown bigger and I want to lose the baby naturally. I need the closure.</div>
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We were then sent over to radiology where I was to have a second opinion ultrasound. As Matt went to finish our appointment details and check me in, I felt numb. I don't remember much. I remember not being able to feel anything. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to even look up. I can vividly remember what the carpet looked like. When we got to the radiology waiting room, the obnoxious lady at the check-in made sure to tell every single person (who were mostly really old women in the there for mammograms or other ultrasounds) "Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!!" I wanted to jump out of my chair and scream at her. "Please... please stop saying, 'Merry Christmas,' don't you know my baby is dead!" House Hunters was playing on HGTV and I really just wanted someone to turn it off. I wanted everyone to just be quiet. </div>
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After an hour of waiting, my name was called. As I was almost ready to go back, they informed us that Matt could not go back with me. I started bawling. I did not want to go through another ultrasound alone. As this would be the 3rd time getting an ultrasound during this pregnancy and none of them had been pleasant or with good news. Matt told me to be strong and that it would all be okay. </div>
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I walked back and remember wishing she would stop asking me random questions. It was a dark room. There was a really ugly picture of some yellow flowers on the wall. It was the most painful thing ever - both physically and mentally as she did two separate types of ultrasounds. Matt was supposed to be allowed back into the room before they would tell me the results. The ultrasounds took an hour. I lay there for a whole hour in silence and not being able to cry because it was just me and the woman doing the ultrasound in the room - it was so uncomfortable. An awful woman came into the room, she glanced at the screen and then said to me, "There is no cardiac activity. We see no heartbeat. But, at least you're early!" I began to cry and then harshly said back to her, "You don't say that to someone who just lost their child! I love this baby just as much as I love my 2 year old! I have spent the last two months loving this child. I loved this child before it was ever in my womb. You don't say that!" and then I continued to cry, she said "I'm sorry, ma'am," and walked out. I asked the tech, "can this please just be over, I want to go home to my daughter." I had another 15 minutes of ultrasounds...</div>
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I again was numb. </div>
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Once we picked up Lilly Belle, I began to feel better. She lights up my whole world. I cannot imagine my life without her and I feel so blessed that she is ours. </div>
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I could never have gone through any of this without my amazing village of moms here. I told all 40 of them what was going on from Day 1 when we had our first awful appointment and they've been so incredibly supportive. I don't know how I could have gone through this all alone. </div>
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We are doing better. I am doing better. I am taking it one day at a time. My baby is in heaven and that makes me happy - to know I have an angel and that my baby is forever safe. My baby will never feel pain, or anger, or have hurt feelings. All my baby ever knew was the extreme amount of love I had for it. Our baby heard it's daddy's voice tell it that he loves "her" (because he always said 'she') every night and got kisses from him every morning as he left for work. Our baby has an amazing big sister who gave him or her tons and tons of kisses and hugs and talks about him or her all the time. The memory of this baby will never be forgotten. </div>
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One day when I get to Heaven, I will be able to hold my baby. I'll never let go. We will never have to be apart. </div>
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Like my sister-in-law, Megan, said to me: I forever will now have two babies. No one can take that away from me. I am a mommy of two. Megan told me that she believes 100% that this baby was supposed to me mine. Not in a mean or sad way, but in the best way possible. God gave me this baby because he knew I would love it and celebrate every single second of it's life. Our baby got a "First Visit" button at Magic Kingdom, had it's picture taken with Disney characters every single Saturday as my bump grew and grew, and had a mommy who couldn't keep in her excitement and pretty much told everyone she could about he or she. </div>
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Our baby is in heaven, but it's body is still with me. I walk around everyday just waiting for it to be over. We don't know when that will be but I am praying hard it happens before Christmas. It won't be quite as hard because to me, my baby is already gone. What's left is only like a shell. My baby is in Heaven. </div>
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Matt and I very much want another baby and hope Lilly Belle will get a sibling to play with very soon. Our hearts are open and ready to love on a sweet baby. We feel blessed to have an angel as a baby. It is comforting. Now when I cry, I know my baby is listening and is there and it is so much more comfortable. I've never felt closer to God in my entire life. God is taking care of my baby. I know he is taking care of BOTH of my babies. And I know he is taking care of me. </div>
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I really don't want this baby to be forgotten. To me, that is the scariest and saddest part. I cannot imagine not writing this post. I've been waiting for the right time and prayed for lots of strength to feel this all again before I wrote it. My sleeve is a little wet right now, but I'm okay. I hope that one day there is another mom who can read this and feel comfort in knowing she is not alone. Miscarriage is something that is sadly so common. It is something my mom went through too many times, and although I always felt sad for her - I now understand. It is something I have feared my entire life because I know how hard I love. </div>
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I am not really sure how to end this post. There really isn't an end. I know for the rest of my life my baby will be with me.</div>
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I suppose I'll end it on this: the other night, the night of finding out our baby was gone, I had a moms night out at our house. A cookie exchange. I had 10 friends coming over. Which ended up being the biggest blessing and totally planned by God because I would have never made it through that night without them (and the wine they brought over) ;) As Matt and Lilly Belle were leaving for their own date night, I held Lilly Belle and said to Matt, "Don't you dare let anything happen to her! Drive safe! She's all I have!" He smiled and looked down and said, "She's not all you have. You have both of your babies. Right now. They're both with you. They'll always both be with you. Our baby will never leave you." I cried happy tears and they left. I had a few minutes to cry before the door knocked and my friends started to arrive.</div>
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We will get through this. We are getting through this. One day at a time. And our sweet angel baby will always be right here with me...</div>
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As our Christmas card photos this year were our baby announcement, I'd hate to lose those photos. My dear friend, Holly, did a beautiful job on them and they will forever be so special to me. One day we will have some beautiful pictures taken again for another sweet baby that will end up being our 2nd baby here on earth. I just don't know though that I'd be able to take pictures with a "Baby #2" banner like this again. These are so so special to me. One day, Lilly Belle is absolutely going to be the best big sister in this whole world....</div>
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