I Can't Imagine...

I'm sitting here on the couch while Matt is doing his homework. 

I had to ask him to turn the news off as I sat here bawling.

I'm not sure who knows about the Josh Powell case, but today he took the lives of his two innocent children by setting the house on fire while he and the children were in it. The children were stuck in there with him. 

I can't stop crying thinking about how scared they must have been and how unfair it is. It makes me so so angry. People like that make me so angry. 

People who have children and hurt them. 

How can they not realize how lucky and blessed they are to have children?! How could they ever do something to hurt them?! I realize that many times it is because the parents are sick (mentally ill). It makes me just so so sad for these children. 

I'm crazy emotional right now. And this just really put it over the top. 

I want children more than anything in the whole world and then to hear something like this just crushes me. I prayed for them that God is with them now and that they are safe in Heaven. I just can't stop crying and feeling so so sad about this. 

It makes me so so sad to think that I'm here every single day doing everything I possibly can to remain patient because I have so much love to give to a child. I love our children so so much already and they are just dreams now. I want to be able to have them here and be able to hold them and watch them grow. I daydream constantly of how amazing it is going to feel to read them stories and rock them to sleep. I can't wait to see Matt do all those things. I want to hear them laugh and be the one to make them laugh. I want to go to T-Ball games and be on the other side of the glass during dance class... 

How could someone ever hurt a child like that? I just don't understand it at all. I have a lot of experience with kids. I have had moments where I have completely lost my patience and even then, in the worst of moments, I would never and could never hurt a child. Children are the most precious gift that God has given us in this world. Through them we get to see life in a whole new way, in my opinion, an incredible and way better way. I realize that not everyone likes being around children and babies as much as I do, but to hate them enough to hurt them...that I cannot fathom. This just makes me so so sad. Those poor boys. It's not fair. 

We have so much love to give and are just waiting for the day when our children are here to receive that. I hate that there are so many people out there who have children and abuse them. There are so many people far worse off than Matt and I having children and yet, we don't feel quite ready. That's so frustrating to me. This is the Hampe in me. I want to take all those little children in and give them the best life ever. I don't want any of them to ever feel pain. I wish that I would have the strength to one day be a Foster Parent with Matt. Matt and I both agree that I would have an extremely hard time doing that because you don't get to keep them (well...). I'd never be able to give any of them away. We would end up having 27 kids. 

I wish I could help them. 

I wish now more than ever that we had a child I could hold and love right now. Our children may not have the best clothes or be born in a house or go on vacations around the world like some kids who live around here...but they will be loved more than any little kid in this world. That I can guarantee.  Believe me, I know why we have our list and why it's important. We are doing the things we are doing before having a baby because we love them already and want to give them the best life we can. By being out of debt, having a 4-door car and having savings, they will have a stress free (mostly) Mommy & Daddy. When it gets hard and I feel like I just don't want to wait anymore, Matt's helps me remember why we're waiting and then I remind myself that it will all be so worth it that we accomplished our list first. (It's not a crazy hard list either so that's good). 

I'm getting way off track on this.

I'm just very sad for those kids. Lots of tears and prayers for them tonight...

Everyone who does have children...if you're reading this, hug them extra tonight and tell them you love them so so much...