Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Just Want to Sleep!

Night has become my worst enemy.
I hate it so so much.

I don't sleep because I can't sleep. I actually think about how much I dread night during the day. It is awful to be awake every night all night long just wide awake but exhausted at the same time. Cogsy and Matt both snoring away sleeping so well. Makes me so jealous.

My legs are jumping and my pinched nerves in my leg are getting to be a lot.

Last night I slept for 3 hours. One stretch of 2 hours and one stretch for one hour.
Tonight...well, I slept from 10:30pm-12:30am and now I have been awake for 4 full hours. When I fell asleep initially tonight, it took some serious concentration. No really, I had to count. Then a work thought would pop in my head and I'd start over from 1 again and eventually I fell asleep. Then I woke up at 12:30am. I tried to go to sleep. I laid in bed from 3:30-4:30am (now) tossing and turning trying to go back to sleep and gave up again. Now I'm at my computer again.

I get lots of work done in the middle of the night. (bonus?) no...that's bad.

I don't remember the last time I slept all the way through the night and was comfortable the whole time.
Thoughts race through my mind all night long. Lilly kicks me all night long. This can't be good.

Ha, kind of how I feel right now.
Mean Girls wasn't lying. 

I've tried Benadryl and it actually had the opposite effect on me and made me even more wired, to the point where my whole body was jumpy. Never again. 

Tried taking a bath before bed to calm down. Works hit or miss. I always end up waking up around 12:30am though even if I do fall asleep around 10:30pm. 

I think Lilly is going to be born and I'm going to not even have to worry about all the nights awake, I'll be awake even when she's sleeping. I'm exhausted and stressed from work and still it doesn't make me tired enough that my body lets me fall asleep or stay asleep. 

I just want to sleep on my stomach. I've slept that way my whole life. I slept that way as long as I could with Lilly. Then I switched to my back. Can't do that anymore either. Sleeping on my sides kills my pinched nerve. So basically, I'm screwed. I've tried sleeping sitting in the glider too, but sitting for too long makes my legs super jumpy, even if I have them up on the ottoman. 

I'm pretty much ready for her to be born now. 
This lack of sleep is making me crazy. I'm super fun to be around lately, ask Matt. 
Speaking of Matt...he just came in here (I'm in the nursery) to see how long I've been up. Oh you know...just 4 1/2 hours straight. It's 4:45am. 

My body needs to be physically exhausted to be able to sleep because it's used to me dancing 3-6 hours/day. I've danced that much consistently for the past 16 years with the exception of the year and a half I nannied. But I think watching 4 kids all day is equivalent to dancing for 3-6 hours. Now that I'm not dancing as much, this just keeps getting worse.
I have 9 more weeks of this. That makes me want to cry. 

I love being so close to her and carrying her around most of the time, but this sleep thing is really going to kill me. I would much rather just be able to hold her in my arms. 

Between not being able to dance and not being able to sleep...I'm in a pretty yucky place. This is so hard. Worth it! I love this little girl more than anything already. It's just way harder than I ever imagined not being able to dance and now not being able to sleep. I'm ready for life to be somewhat normal again. With the addition of our Lilly Belle so it will be even better!


  1. I was the same way when I was pregnant. I just couldn't sleep. It did get better when each of the babies was born--at least then I could sleep on my stomach! The sleepless nights didn't bother me as much once the baby was born because at least I was awake for a reason! I hope you are able to get some sleep soon!

    1. Good to know! I feel the same way. Like at least if she were here then I could be awake with her and feel like it was worth it. Now it is just plain frustrating. I feel like such a whiner lately lol.