Sunday, December 28, 2014

One Sweet Sunday.

Today was a great day.

So much play time happened. 
I love days when we are just all together as a family.

I tried to document all of today's goodness.

We woke up this morning to our sweet happy and energetic girl wanting to play with her new toys. We had eggs and toast for breakfast and took turns playing while we got ready for church.

Lilly Belle loves to play with her purse.

She discovered the goodness that is her dress up station this morning and really wanted to be a "dog dog" and so she was. She was thrilled.

She totally got it and wanted to show Cogsy right away that they were now both "dog dogs!" 

Then it was off to church.
Lilly Belle screamed and cried when we dropped her off at Sunday School. We have not been to church in a while and it was unfamiliar to her. I give her a few more weeks and she'll be fine again. When we picked her up, she was happily playing with some baby dolls. 

Church today was great. I loved the message. It's never too late to change was the basics of the message. Matt and I both left feeling rejuvenated. 

Lilly Belle fell asleep in the car. She woke up when we got home and we ate a quick lunch. 
She took a nap and while she napped Matt rested because he has a sinus infection and I ran a few errands and studied.
When she woke up, it was back to playing and more dress up.
This time, it was Tinkerbell...

And then, she insisted on wearing both Tinkerbell and Minnie Mouse at the same time. 
We colored on her huge Doc McStuffins coloring pages, played with Mr. Potato Head and I cleaned a ton. We played outside for a bit. It was cute, she was crying and tantruming and we couldn't quite understand what she wanted. So she grabbed my hand, walked me into our room (first time she had done that) and went straight to our bedroom patio door and tapped on the glass crying, "outSIDE, outSIDE!" it. So, we played outside. In the rain. 

Tinkerbell Minnie Mouse wanted stories from Daddy, but only if she got to lay on him like this while he read them to her. She didn't want to sit up. So sweet.

Tonight at dinner, Matt reached across the table to hold my hand. Lilly Belle stopped eating, looked at us and then reached for both our hands. We each held her hand and then she looked up at us and said, "Aye-MEN." We have been praying more with her so it was so sweet. And then it was a game so we prayed a lot at dinner tonight. I'm sure God enjoyed it as well ;) 

It was a great Sunday. 

Tonight we had an interesting bedtime....
We got her bubble bath for Christmas and tonight we thought it would be fun to fill the bath up more than usual and give her lots of bubbles. That was a mistake. She was terrified of the bubbles, so I got in the tub with her. 

Then we got her jammies on and she wanted Daddy to read a book to her. So he did.
Then it was time to nurse and have songs with me.
I started to nurse and sing to her and she was getting frustrated. She was pushing on my chest and turning all around trying to get milk (I'm assuming). Then she just stopped, looked up at me and asked for a book. So I read her two books. When I was done reading, she "read" The Little Mermaid to me. It was adorable. She "talked" for each page. When it got to the page of Ursula taking Ariel's voice, Lilly Belle just sang "ahh ahh ahhhh ah ahh ahhhh". 
Then I lay her down for bed and she never asked for milk.
Strange considering just earlier today I wrote my post about weaning...

I really want to start blogging about normal days like today. It was perfect. 

That Day I Decided It Was Time To Wean...

Lilly Belle is going to be 17 months old in a week. 
I've been thinking about this more and more lately.
Some days I feel like I'm 100% ready.
Some days I feel like I could nurse Lilly Belle until she's 3.

But most days, I'm more ready to be done than not. And lately, it's been on my mind more and more. 

I know that for months, she has not been nursing as a source of food or for when she's hungry.
There is clearly not an abundance of milk being produced. Physically, that much is clear. 

I am beginning to feel like Lilly Belle would be quite happy being the kid that nurses until she's 3. 
Me, not so much.

I have loved nursing Lilly Belle. It has been one of the best experiences of my whole entire life. The sweet moments that are just for the two of us make me so happy. The snuggles I get from her and the little smiles she gives me while I'm nursing her are memories that I will never forget, even without pictures taken to remind me. 

Lately, there has been a lot of reaching down my shirt and pinching...pinching where it hurts. 
That's nipple. Always the same one. And, it hurts. Like, really bad. 

Lilly Belle has now been talking in short sentences and often says to me, "Mama, I need milka." It is very sweet and endearing. I love that she wants that time with me. Because honestly, she isn't doing it because she's hungry. When she is hungry, she can clearing say, "I need oof!" (oof=food)
Today she went into our room, picked up Matt's laptop and dropped it on her food. It hurt and she cried. I picked her up, she reached down my shirt and said, "Mama. Mama. I need milka. I NEED milka." I explained that I would hold her and rock her and give her tons of snuggles but I was not going to give her milka. She cried and tantrumed but in that moment, I really did not want to nurse. I was dressed for church and we were about to head out the door. 

It feels a little selfish, but at the same time, she is getting older. I nursed her for a year past my goal.
I never thought I would be a mom who would like nursing. Before being pregnant and having Lilly Belle, it honestly freaked me out a little bit. I told Matt that my goal was to nurse her until she was 6 months old and then I would just pump until she was one.

And then, she was born and immediately all I wanted to do was to nurse her. And I did. I nursed her those first few days through blood, blisters, and more disgusting things that I don't need to describe to you. It was awful. But, I didn't give up. I pushed through knowing it was what was best for my baby. And thank goodness I did. 

The time I have spend the past 17 months rocking and nursing Lilly Belle are really some of the best moments of my life. I am tearing up writing this and thinking about it being time to be done. 

I am going to do this slowly as to not make it a traumatic experience for her.

She is still nursing before every nap, before bedtime and most days, when she wakes up in the morning. I am going to start with dropping the nursing before nap time. 

It was random today. I had a random feeling that I was ready. I went in to change her diaper after church and to nurse her before nap and just in that moment I felt like I was done. As I changed her diaper I talked to her about how I was going to lay her down like a big girl with no "milka". I told her I would snuggle her and give her a big hug and lots of kisses but then I was going to lay her down in her crib and I would see her with more snuggles when she wakes up. 

I panicked a little bit. Matt and Papa always lay her down for naps obviously without nursing, but I have only done that maybe once in her life. I thought for sure she was going to flip out.

I did as I promised and held her tight and gave her tons of little kisses and told her how much I love her. And then, I told her to find her fingers and lay down to go night night. She looked at me a little worried but I kept telling her I loved her and just walked out of the room. She cried for maybe 30 seconds and is now sleeping peacefully. 

She did just fine. I felt just fine. And that was so reassuring.

I don't want to just up and quit cold turkey. I'm not ready for that and Lilly Belle would be so incredibly sad if I did that to her. 

I will nurse her in the morning only when she asks for it and I will continue to nurse her before bed. 
No more nursing at nap time. 

I will cherish these nights spent nursing her. It really is such a special time. 
I am so thankful to have got to experience this with my sweet baby girl. 

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Belle Belle

(written early December 2014)

Lilly Belle is at my favorite age right now.

I loved this age with my siblings. I loved this age when I nannied. And, I love this age even more with my own child.

I really need to start blogging just about random cuteness because I'm sure I'll forget it all with my awesome memory. 

Today, I taught 4 classes, but in between time I had a lot of time just playing at home with Lilly Belle. We ate breakfast together, played, ran some errands, played and played some more.
While I was doing the laundry, Lilly Belle came running to me all excited to show me that she figured out how to put one of my hair ties on her wrist. I said, "Oh fun, Lilly Belle! You're just like Mama!" For a good 5 minutes, she ran around all proud holding onto the hair tie repeating, "Jus-lie Mama! Jus-lie Mama!" I melted. 

One of my friends, Casie, is so kind and has been giving Lilly Belle a ton of her girls too small clothes and loved toys. One of the most recent toys, is the Little People Klip Klop Stable. Lilly Belle has been playing with it everyday non-stop. She talks to the ponies, makes them "walk" around and even puts them to sleep in the stalls. She played with this for at least 2 hours today. Not all at once, but easy 30-minute increments. It is so much fun to just watch her imagination grow. 

Today, she also did her first puzzle. We play with the puzzle pieces often, but I've never asked her to actually try to do it. I'd say she did pretty well for her first try!
(Gifted to us from Casie as well!...Thank you!) 

While I was nursing Lilly Belle last night, I asked her, "Hey, what's your name?" She immediately, without any hesitation, looked up and said, "Belle Belle," and then continued to nurse as if I was silly for even asking. Belle Belle. She is so sweet.