It's 2:30am and I cannot sleep. I'm up again because my boobs are killing me, actually just one is (tmi?) Remember it's 2:30am. But this is now night #3. Wear a sports bra to bed you say? I basically live in sports bras, the thought of sleeping in one does not sound fun.
I think right now, I will write all about being pregnant.
Just the whole entire topic of how I have felt being pregnant so far. That's pretty broad, huh? I'm not exactly sure where to start, but I feel like I need to document this so that one day I can look back. You know, the day after our baby has grown out of his/her newborn clothes and I'm ready to start all over again...(Stick to the plan, Chelsea!).
First, the good parts...because there are already many of them.
Good part #1: My sweet husband.
Just last night I was sitting on the couch all leaned back trying to make my stomach roll go away because I now have a roll in the dead center of my stomach. Anytime I slouch, even just a little, the roll appears and hurts. Yes, hurts. Okay, not hurts but just really uncomfortable. Never in my life have I had a roll like this and it's hard to get comfortable sitting on the couch, or really sitting anywhere. I know, I know..."You just wait, aren't you only 14 weeks?" Yes. 14 weeks. Anyways....back to the sweet husband part. So I'm sitting there all annoyed last night...complaining (because I'm the queen of it lately), and what does Matt say....??? He says, "I love your roll. I love your body right now." My response, "How? I don't feel attractive at all, just big!"....His reply, "You are carrying my baby! You walk around all day with my two favorite people in the whole world all wrapped up in one. I love it!" *sigh*---complaining stopped there.
Okay, just decided against listing each "good" or "bad" thing. I'm just going to write instead.
Do you people get annoyed of how I write as though I'm talking to myself. I am talking to myself....
When I woke up tonight from my awesome pains, I remembered my dream. I always remember my dreams lately. They are so vivid and amazing and real. Sometimes terrifying, but sometimes good. Tonight's dream was awesome! I was in a gym. Surrounded by girls I went to high school with. We were all pregnant and all like 20 weeks along. Had to be because we were all sitting in a circle waiting for my midwife, who in my dream was all of our midwife, to read off to us from a card what each of us were having. One of my friends found out she was having twins, then I reassured her that I have twin niece & nephew and it's so cool. Another couple of friends got sad news that they did not gain enough weight and because of that, they were no longer pregnant. (*Note, this was a happy dream and nowhere in there did the girls ever think they lost their babies, just that they were actually never pregnant...I don't know, it was a dream and it was weird). Then a few more found out normal, girl or boy results. Then...it was my turn. I of course, was jumping all around and cheering for everyone. When Lori got to my name I was already standing up. Then she said it..."Chelsea, you're having a boy!" Never in my life had I been so excited crying tears of joy like I was in that moment. Then the dream got not fun and I ran to tell Matt and instead of getting excited with me, he just told me to settle down because I was acting too crazy. (Hmm...that does happen often in real life, lol.) Then I got mad at him for not being excited and instead worrying about me being crazy...then woke up.
BUT, so cool. It was the first time I have had a dream where our baby was a boy or a girl.
Last night, Matt and I had sat on the couch together (you know, during the stomach roll conversation). No tv, no music, just us talking. We were talking all about the baby and different awesome things that we're excited for. Matt said he's glad we're not the people hoping for a boy or a girl. He's glad that really, we will both be so so happy either way, just wanting a healthy baby. Then, I said it. Out loud. For the first time since being pregnant. I said it all the time before being pregnant but have always felt too bad saying it now that I actually am. So here it is..."I kind of really want a boy." Ok, now wait, everyone knows, including myself, that if the second Lori told us we were having a girl, not a boy, I would also be equally as excited and freaking out and the boy thing would go out the window. BUt...for now, I always think of our baby as a boy. Ok, sometimes here and there I imagine it's a girl, but most of the time...boy. So, Little Bean, if you're grown up and reading this now....sorry if you're a girl. I still really, really love you!
I just imagine our sweet little boy running all around here in the cutest little pj's ever. Eating breakfast together, going on adventures together looking for awesome things on our walk. Basically everything I imagine will be equally as fun with a girl. I think it's from when I was a nanny and was in love with the two little boys I watched. I loved the girls, too, but spent so much time with the boys, Maclin and Isaiah. They were both in such a fun stage at 1 & 2 and I always said I can't wait until that's my own baby! Also, I have been 100% in love with our boy's name for 4 years now. We picked it on our road trip moving to Seattle. It has never changed. Not once. It's probably the only thing in our whole relationship that I have not changed my mind about. Seriously, never. Our girls name I still go back and forth on loving one day and the next day not liking. (*Note, Matt's obsessed with the girls name that's why we're about 95% sure we'll use it). Anyways, I have always had this very clear picture in my head of what our boy will be named, and also look like. Except sometimes I picture blonde hair and sometimes red hair (we have TONS of red hair on both sides of our family). Would be SO stinkin' cute! Either way, I also picture a mini Matt. Like Matt when he was 2-12. His kid years. Cutest kid ever. I may or may not have told Matt last night that I kind of hope he has to go to speech therapy and talk like Matt did when he was little. Is that a horrible mother to wish your child pronounces their r's like w's??? Matt didn't think that was such a great thing to wish, lol. Matt also did not like me talking to my belly telling the baby to please make sure they pronounce their r's like w's. Ha...I talk to the bump ALL the time. Anyways, I love it when kids talk wrong. I'll have a hard time correcting them. No, I'm serious. Matt will for me, I'm sure :) I also just picture fun things like t-ball, soccer (I want to be a soccer mom minus the mini van), Disneyland being this brave little kid going on all the rides with Matt while mommy makes excuses not to go on Tower of Terror...*sigh* so many fun visions in my head. They're usually all of a boy. Now, if we do find out it's a girl, I'll have a long time to change those day dreams :)
If you are still reading this...good for you! It's now 2:50am and I feel wide awake (great!). I can hear Cogsy and Matt both snoring away. I have off from work all week and if I don't dance I have a hard time sleeping through the night. It's like I didn't wear myself out enough during the day.
So, for the most part, I really do like being pregnant. I love the excitement of it all. The waiting part, is of course killing me. But, I am doing my best to soak up every moment as I know being pregnant for the first time is not something that will last forever. Yesterday morning I got a little sad (selfishly). I woke up after Matt. He was already out in the living room watching ESPN just chillin' on the couch trying not to wake me. When I woke up (at 10), I didn't even say good morning or anything, just walked in the living room all sleepy and curled up on the couch next to him. I just soaked up every single second of that cuddle time. I had my back to the tv, so I didn't care what was on. Then after a few minutes Matt asked me what I was doing, lol. I just had a huge WHOA moment of all the things we aren't going to be able to do anymore. Ok, sure we can always cuddle in front of our kids, we should always cuddle in front of our kids, but it will most likely include them on our laps. We also can't just decide to lay down together on the couch for 30 minutes or so in the middle of the day. We'll have our little one to take care of and play with. (Which we'll love by the way). Also, sleeping in your underwear and then walking around in your underwear until 11am isn't something we'll be able to do for like 25 more years...then I'm not sure that I would anyways?? Life is about to change. It's going to hit hard. One day we're going to be all cuddling in the middle of the day on a Sunday and then next day BAM! We have a Baby. Life changed. It's going to be so crazy. And so, so so so sooooo awesome!
Now I'm all excited, theres no way I can fall asleep. I'm going to go work more on our rug I'm making for the nursery because it's going to take me months to finish! No, but really...
*If you read all the way to here, you rock! Hopefully I didn't bore you :)
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