I have been diagnosed with a serious mental condition.
(self diagnosed).
I call it Baby-itis. Matt even gets it sometimes too (note: never to the point where we're all set to go).
I've had it for a good 3 years. (13 years actually).
It gets dramatically worse with each month that passes. If Matt could stop being so amazing for like one second I think it would help. Seeing him with sweet little Avery has made the baby-itis flair. He is usually very timid around babies but he told me that lately he feels very comfortable :) I love love love that. Music to my ears! He is going to be the most amazing dad in the world. I can't wait for all the incredible things he will teach our children. He teaches me at least 5 new things a day. Wow, our future little Lanese's are going to be some pretty lucky kiddos. Just today he taught me that they have changed the Main Street music at Disneyland and also sat me down to tell me it's okay to want a baby so badly. It felt good to have that okay from him.
We won't be trying for a while yet there are still some super importants to check off the list. 3 to be exact. We just recently got to cross one off the list and I made a huge deal out of the act of crossing it out. Made Matt do it with me lol. As in stand behind me at the computer to watch me delete it from the list. I feel giddy knowing theres something checked of "that" list.
There have been months where it is gone completely but then it comes back with a vengeance.
I have a feeling it's here to stay. Who am I kidding when I say I can wait until I'm 28, haha what a joke. What I do know is that I can wait for these things to get checked off the list.
-No debt
-4 door car
-money in savings (not a ton, but enough that if our car broke down or our baby had to go to the hospital that we wouldn't feel the effects of that)
We are definitely on the right track and that makes me so so happy. I am proud of us that we haven't given in to ignoring the list and that we have indeed waited and that we are indeed still waiting. Even with my insane baby-itis.
Blogs & Pinterest do not help this disease. But, it makes me happy when I feel prepared.
I'll let you in on a secret. You can think I'm weird, but I think it's cool.
I have been buying children's books every now and then and we have them in storage so our kids will be the first little readers of these books in the rocker with us.
So on Sunday I purchased another one and decided that I will buy a new one every Sunday. It helped me a lot. It was like baby therapy. I felt happy all day knowing I bought something for our kids even though they are only just big dreams still.
I wrote in it too and I will write in them every week.
"This book was purchased for you by mommy on January 29th, 2012. You are only still a dream to me but I already can't wait to meet you. Always remember how lucky you are." (The book was Dr. Seuss's "Do You Know How Lucky You Are?") I think it will be cool to look back and they'll know I loved them so much before they even existed. Matt said he's going to buy Disney Blu-Ray's but not write in them lol. I did ask him to HA. He said "Honey, Really?! No." Haha....I told you, this baby-itis is bad...
I've been learning a lot with Katie having Avery. I thought I learned everything I could have possibly learned between my mom, Haley & Megan but now I'm learning more...it's amazing. I love it. I learned about Reflux the other day and she also taught me all about choosing an OB and pediatrician and when you can do that. I am going to be interviewing OB's (throughout the next year-ish) because we have a brand new hospital in Issaquah and the birthing rooms are absolutely amazing and beautiful and huge. I got new insurance (that's what got checked off the list) that would allow me to go to one of the doctors there. It's 5 minutes from our house. I only go to a family doctor here for my yearly appointments so I'm going to start getting my yearly appointments done from an OB so I can ask them questions and they can be there when we start our journey. I am going to be the super annoying patient with 80 bajillion questions. Oops. Child birth terrifies me. The more I know the better.
I've decided to not hold this in anymore. It's been pretty bad for a good month now and I'm just going to enjoy it instead of try to hide it from everyone. Well I don't hide it from Matt, Katie or my parents but the rest of the world :) It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm a married woman who owns her own business, loves her husband crazy a lot and loves babies/children. By the time we have a baby that's actually out of me and born we will have lived together alone for almost 5 years. That's really a long time. I think it's perfect :) And as my mom keeps telling me, "Even if you got pregnant now, your a million times better off than we were when you were born, you guys are doing a great job." So that feels good too. I was born in a ghetto (not as ghetto then) apartment in Milwaukee, Cody too. Our kids won't be born in a house but we really really like our apartment and this extremely family friendly neighborhood we live in :)
Just have really been enjoying being married and the non-stress that comes along with that. I love my husband more than anything in the whole world, so much that I just want a family with him so more people can be in this world to see how amazing he is :) Our kids are going to love him! They'll probably secretly love him more than me because I'm going to be an annoying mom who doesn't stop hugging them and cries at the first day of kindergarten, 1st grade, middle school, high school...not wanting to leave their dorm...oh boy I feel tears coming on now lol. If they have my personality they're going to be the kids at preschool saying "Mommy GO!" Sad :( I can't believe I did that to my mom...how sad :( And now look, I live 2,000 miles away or is it 3? I think 2. Sad again :( Our kids are going to have a deal with us early on though that we're all moving to Florida when they graduate. Ha.
(photo below is just a joke everyone..I'm sure our children will not own these so please don't ask lol)
Woo okay, I got it all out. I may regret it for comments I hear later. That's fine though :) I want to remember this time. I want to remember it so that the one day when we have a 6 month old who won't stop screaming and I want to just crawl in a ball and cry or a 2 year old dropping to the ground in a tantrum in the middle of Target...I can remember how bad I wanted that now :)
I've also gotten over the whole bet thing with my sister-in-law. If we end up losing $50.00 because we have a baby before our first year of marriage, it's not the end of the world. It would actually be the happiest thing in the world because that means we would be blessed enough to not have to wait to get pregnant. It would mean all my fears are not true. It would mean that I am not someone who would have the terrible emotional pain of wanting a child so badly and not being able to conceive one without help from doctors. (Biggest fear in life is that I won't be able to have a baby, that we'll wait to start trying and I'll be someone with fertility problems. I already cry about it and we have never even tried. For all I know I could be a Fertile Mrytle.) Let's hope.
Have a happy day everyone :) I'm going to go take Cogsy for a walk.
